Month: January 2009

Categories
Character Development

What IS Character Development, Anyway?

Personal development and character development seem to have the same meaning. So isn’t it vague to say that my focus for the new year is “character development”? As if the entire subject of personal development is my focus, which isn’t really a FOCUS!

To better explain what “character development” is, it’s important to distinguish it from personal development. To do this, I will give a very basic overview of what personal development covers and how character development fits into it.

An Overview of Personal Development

While there’s a lot more detail to include, but a very simple break down of the components that make up personal development are:

Beliefs: These form our understanding of the world and how we relate to it. Do we believe in God? Do we believe in the Law of Attraction? Do we believe that intuition is a reliable basis for judgment? What is our purpose in life? Do we believe success is possible for us?

Principles: These are a condensation of our beliefs into values we uphold and seek to live by. We can believe that human beings have free will and that our prosperity lies in exercising our free will without being forced into any decision against our will. Therefore, the principle would be: “I should make my own decisions about my life.”

Character: This is the extent to which our principles are ingrained in our being and what impression people (including ourselves) form about us. Being truthful, patient, kind, ambitious, etc. are all character traits that we possess based on the principles we truly live by (and not those we wish to live by).

Habits: These are the ways we consistently behave that reveal fragments of our character, and what we use to determine what a person’s character is. We say that a person is truthful when he consistently speaks the truth, or patient when he consistently acts patiently in the face of challenges.

Behaviors: These are the ways we conduct ourselves in any given moment. They depend on the extent to which we are committed to our principles, how clear our principles are and our awareness of how our principles should be translated into practice. You may believe that respecting others is important, but don’t realize how that should be done.

As can be seen from this overview of personal development, character development is only a branch of personal development and not another name for it. To be more accurate, it is an approach to personal growth that puts Character as the focus, and seeks to define everything else based on character traits and the person you wish to become.

In the next post we will look at how character development can be carried out!

Categories
Character Development

My Focus for the New Year

New Year’s Resolutions come in all shapes and sizes. Dropping a bad habit (e.g. smoking), adopting a new habit (e.g. regular exercise), completing a project (e.g. a website), starting a project (e.g. um… a website?) and developing virtuous traits (e.g. truthfulness) are all different types of resolutions and ways to develop as individuals.

Towards the end of the last year I was planning on making my career the focus of the new year as I wanted to make a massive shift in that area of my life. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wanted to direct my focus in a different direction: towards myself.

There’s a difference between having my career as the focus and having myself as the focus: when my career is the focus I will deal mainly with career decisions and what I can produce in order to head in the direction that I want. When I am the focus, I intend on increasing my capacity to produce and to develop virtues that will serve me both in my career and in other areas of my life.

Having my career as the focus will mean that I am aiming for the direction I want to head in, whereas focusing on myself will mean that I am aiming for the person I want to become.

I will explain the difference more clearly in the upcoming days, as well as give pointers on how this approach can be taken, including examples from my own life.

Therefore, my focus for the new year is: My personal character development. 😀

Categories
Habits

Resolutions without Resolve

New Year’s resolutions seem to be made more out of tradition than a true commitment to the changes these resolutions are meant to bring about. In fact, many people begin their resolutions NOT with: “I resolve to…” but with: “I know I won’t be able to do this, but…”

They then wonder why New Year’s resolutions don’t seem to work!

But there is a crucial reason why resolutions don’t work that goes deeper than what people actually say and which may sound like an odd reason, considering the frustration people experience when they don’t stick to their “resolutions.”

The simple reason is this: People don’t WANT to fulfill their resolutions!

Sounds crazy? Well, this is the kind of world we’re living in, my friend. 🙂

Allow me to explain why that is.

They Want the End and Not the Means

Most people want to be healthy, without doing any of the things that a healthy lifestyle is based on. They want a healthy body, not a healthy life. This doesn’t work in the real world. You can’t feed your body junk and expect your body to process it as nutritious food. You can’t abandon exercise and expect your body to create muscles out of thin air.

If you don’t want the means to fulfilling your resolutions, you really don’t want to fulfill your resolutions. Not in the real world, anyway.

They Are Afraid of the Changes the Resolutions Will Bring About

Fear of failure is a topic discussed widely in personal growth circles, but there’s another fear that cripples the ambitions of many people: the fear of success. This is an idea that was brought to my attention by Dr Neil Fiore in his magnificent book: The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play.

We sometimes don’t see projects through because we’re afraid to fail, and by not attempting to work on the projects, we feel satisfied that we have at least avoided the label: “failure.” But there are times when we fear being successful, because that would bring about changes in our lives that we’re not willing to welcome so readily.

A simple example is becoming a celebrity: you don’t want to be known for your accomplishments because you’re too afraid that it will expose you to the world, and deprive you of the privacy you currently enjoy and cherish. Being a famous actor doesn’t simply involve acting. It involves dealing with the paparrazzi, attending events, being interviewed, etc. If you don’t enjoy these things, you may not want to risk becoming a celebrity so you don’t have to face all these things.

The same is true with smaller-scale projects: you might fear the jealousy your success will attract, the responsibility that comes with your accomplishments and a host of other by-products that have you pushing your goals away instead of embracing them and working to fulfill them.

Their “Want To” Conflicts with Their “Have To”

Many resolutions are cliches that are in popular use: stop drinking, quit smoking, care for the needy, etc.

Such resolutions don’t usually stem from a personal desire, but an obligation they feel they have to fulfill, but they don’t really want to. They’re quite happy smoking, but smoking is considered an unhealthy habit, it’s not always fashionable, it comes up on the top list of resolutions to make, etc.

As long as there is no personal desire to see the resolution through, there will only be self-deception and guilt. That’s hardly a recipe for fulfilling resolutions.

Add Resolve to Your Resolutions

If you truly want to see your resolutions through, you must develop the DESIRE to do so!

This can be done by:

  • Enjoying the process as you progress towards your destination
  • Accepting the by-products that come with your resolutions
  • Making resolutions that truly stem from your personal goals, and not ones borrowed from others

Whenever you feel apprehensive about your resolutions and think that you may be sabotaging your success with your own hands, the most likely reason is that you don’t WANT to fulfill your resolutions.

Listen to your emotions and look for ways to develop the true desire to achieve your goals.