I heard about Chris Guillebeau, the man behind The Art of Non-Conformity, on Twitter, and started following him there, before checking out his site or reading his manifestos.

When I found out that he was visiting Kuwait last summer (as part of his goal of visiting every country in the world by his 35th birthday), I decided to take that opportunity to meet him, and learn more about his travel adventures and his take on personal growth, lifestyle design and blogging.

I thought I’d find out more about Chris’s work before he arrived in Kuwait, so I  read his two manifestos: A Brief Guide to World Domination and 279 Days to Overnight Success.

I usually have a “yes, but…” response to what I read, but Chris’s manifestos were different. They were simple, not simplistic.

For example, his second manifesto presents his own “overnight success” journey, which happened to span 279 days. In it he presents the factors he credits for his success online, and stresses on the fact that it took a great deal of hard work to establish his online business. While other writers are satisfied with telling you to “follow your passion,” Chris puts that idea in perspective, and makes it more realistic and achievable.

Rather than simply following a passion (any passion), Chris points out that you should find a passion that’s important to you, and of value to others, so that you get to pursue what you care about, and offer something to the world at the same time.

There’s no need to experience an inner struggle while creating your business. There is no dichotomy between personal success and serving others.

While I haven’t received my copy of The Art of Non-Conformity book yet (which launched today), I’m sure it’ll be as great as Chris’s other writings. And in a book, Chris has a chance to explore ideas that he may have only touched on in his blog posts, manifestos and unconventional guides.

I would highly recommend that you check out his free manifestos: A Brief Guide to World Domination and 279 Days to Overnight Success.

You can also buy his new book from Amazon, and other bookstores.

I’ll post a detailed review of the book once I get it and finish reading it. If you’ve read the book, or have thoughts to share about Chris’s writings, feel free to leave a comment below!

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Update: Voting has now ended. Thanks to all who managed to vote for the proposal. I will let you know if the proposal is approved.

Personal growth isn’t as easy as some writers make it out to be.

But it’s not always the climb that wears us out, as much as it is the baggage we carry with us and the route we take to reach our destination.

And while personal growth may not be easy, there’s an easier way to how we are currently approaching it.

This is the message behind my manifesto: The 3 R’s of Personal Growth.

The manifesto is under development, and I’ve submitted it to ChangeThis as a proposal.

By voting for the proposal on the ChangeThis website, you will have a hand in helping me get the manifesto designed, and distributed to a much wider audience.

What’s ChangeThis?

ChangeThis is an initiative to help spread great ideas, and was inspired by Seth Godin.

Each month, ChangeThis presents a list of proposals they’ve received, and get the public to vote on the proposals they want to read.

The proposals with the highest votes will be designed and distributed by the ChangeThis team as a “living, breathing manifesto.”

For a longer description of what ChangeThis does, check out their FAQ page.

What’s the 3 R’s of Personal Growth Manifesto About?

The aim of the manifesto is to establish a foundation that helps readers make the most of the personal growth literature available to them, and offers guidelines for writers on how to make their content more useful to their readers.

Below is the description that accompanies my proposal:

Do you feel overwhelmed by all the information “out there”? Do you find the advice you’re coming across confusing? Are you feeling frustrated for not getting the results you want, after all the time, effort and money you’re putting into your own personal growth?

If so, then this manifesto could be what you’re looking for.

The abundance of personal growth information and resources has turned from a blessing into a curse. We are feeling more scattered than ever before. Trying to put everything into practice has led to a bottleneck situation where we can’t seem to get anything done without worrying about everything else at the same time.

This manifesto introduces the basics of personal growth we need to bear in mind to get the most out of what we read.

It’s a guide for readers on how best to approach personal growth literature and a call to writers to offer advice that contributes to the signal, and not add to the noise.

If the message behind the manifesto resonates with you, and you’d like to read the manifesto and help it spread, please vote for it using the following link:

Vote for the 3 R’s of Personal Growth Manifesto

I appreciate your support, and would love to hear from you in the comments section once you vote for the proposal!

And please spread the word to friends, family, readers, and strangers on the subway, or walking down the street. I’m sure they’d love to make a positive contribution to the world!

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The principle at the core of all personal growth (a.k.a. “self-help”) literature is:

Your life is your responsibility.

Your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions are under your control.

If you wish to grow as an individual, you must take responsibility for your success, and do what’s in your power to accomplish your goals.

This is a very liberating idea.

Rather than see yourself as the victim of circumstance and other people’s decisions, you can focus on your own abilities and the opportunities open to you to achieve happiness. People and circumstances can’t dictate how you feel. That’s a choice for you to make.

“Self-help” literature is intended to equip you with the beliefs and practices that make your life journey easier and more enjoyable.

However, it can also make things much more difficult for you.

“Self-Help” is Misleading

I’m not talking about the harms of bad advice, dangerous practices, or an unhealthy obsession with self-help books. These, and many more, are potential harms that we need to be aware of.

But what I’m talking about here is our understanding of what self-help means, and how to go about improving our lives.

The reason why self-help is misleading is that it gives the impression that you have to approach personal growth – and your life problems – on your own.

After all, you’re helping yourself out and taking responsibility for your own life, so why rely on others to do that for you?

For many years, this was an impression that was firmly ingrained in my subconscious, even though I would consciously reject it. One of my earliest posts here was about the value of coaching, but I’ve always refused to get a coach because I thought that I can – and have to – do things on my own.

It’s in the name: self-help!

But recently, I discovered what I’ve been missing out on all this time, and how getting a life coach can be a life-changing experience.

Life Coach or Magician?

Blogger and life coach Tim Brownson recently offered free life coaching for the winner of a contest he was running, and ended up picking six winners to try out his coaching at no charge.

I was one of the winners.

So far, I’ve had only 2 sessions with Tim.

They consisted of friendly chats over Skype. About how I was feeling overwhelmed with all the ideas I had for this blog (and other projects), and what I can do about being overwhelmed. Most of what we talked about I already knew, but Tim picked out a few tips for me to try out.

The result?

I hadn’t written a blog post for over 3 weeks before my first session with Tim. During the week after my first session, I wrote 3 posts!

After my second session, I wrote 2 posts and managed to complete a guide that I’ve been struggling with for over 2 months… in a week!

Since the first session, I feel much more relaxed about my work and can focus much more easily.

I still can’t quite put my finger on what Tim did, but it worked!

Interaction with a fellow human being, especially one who can understand what you’re going through and direct your awareness to the solutions you can use, is a powerful approach to self-help.

If you feel like talking to someone or getting a life coach, don’t let the name fool you: Self-help isn’t about doing things on your own.

It’s about figuring out what’s best for you and pursuing the things that can bring your life forward.

Even if it’s to ask others for help.

Have you ever felt the need to do things on your own, and ashamed to ask others for help?

Do you have any life coaching experience you’d like to share?

If so, then please leave a comment below!

Photo credit: caesararum

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Words can have an enormous influence on the way we think, how we feel, what we value and a string of other effects that we can harness to lead a great life. Not all words or statements or poems are created equally. Some can have destructive effects and others constructive ones. All to varying degrees.

But there’s one poem that, for me, stands head and shoulders above all other poems. It’s very simple to read, has a melodic rhythm and is jam-packed full of meanings that help me move my life forward. I am sure it can have the same influence on you.

The poem is none other than “If” by Rudyard Kipling.

In this post I’d like to explore some of the meanings found in this poem and how relevant they are to our lives and our growth. But before I discuss parts of the poem, have a read of the entire poem, with all its wondrous glory:

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

~ Rudyard Kipling

I must begin by pointing out that I’m not a literature student and I may not always interpret poems in the way the writer intended them to be interpreted. You may very well have a different interpretation to mine. If so, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section!

Being Responsible

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

One of the most important qualities in life is being responsible.

Being responsible requires a high dosage of awareness and a conscious commitment to do the right thing, given the circumstances you are facing. The default response to challenges, however, is often to find someone to blame. Those who are blamed try to redirect the blame to someone else. And the vicious cycle of finger-pointing continues, without anyone willing to do the right thing.

No matter how involved people get in the circus of blame or how much they try to get you involved, keeping your focus on what needs to be done should be your ultimate priority. Don’t get distracted by the blamers.

Trusting Yourself

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

People are only aware of what you have done in the past, and judge you accordingly. The only person aware of your potential is you. When people doubt you, you can trust yourself, because you know something about you that they don’t.

You shouldn’t adopt their doubt because the doubters are many, or their evidence is sound. It’s sound because it’s true, but it’s only half the picture. The half that they are aware of. But you’re aware of the other half. The one they don’t have access to.

Rather than resent the doubters for doubting you, accept that it’s a fact that human beings are not omniscient. It’s perfectly acceptable for people to judge according to what they know. Don’t limit yourself to what others know and allow for their limits, but work according to the limits you are aware of and the potential you possess.

Patience Is A Virtue

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Waiting isn’t a crime, or a waste of time (that rhymes, so it must be true!). It’s a fact of life that some things take time and don’t happen spontaneously or on a whim. Accepting the laws of nature makes patience as natural as breathing. It doesn’t take effort on your part as you struggle to accept that you need to wait.

Take a deep breath and don’t get frustrated because the universe doesn’t run according to your schedule.

Live By Your Principles

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

People lie. People hate. But these aren’t reasons why you should lie or hate. Let other people live according to their principles (or lack thereof), and you can live by your own principles. Just because people cheat doesn’t mean you should, also. People aren’t the standard of what you should and shouldn’t do.

Show A Part of Yourself

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

You don’t want to boast about your principles, or show people how wrong or stupid they are. You want to live by your principles, and set an example for others to follow, should they choose to follow it. People shouldn’t sense that you are way better than them. That makes them feel insecure about themselves.

You don’t want to set a high benchmark for others that throws you way out of their league. You want to demonstrate an accessible example. This doesn’t mean that you pretend to be someone you’re not. It means that you don’t show all your qualities at one time, and to the degree that you possess them. Show aspects of yourself and to limited degrees. Based on the people you encounter and interact with.

If you’re a magnificent painter and an amateur painter comes to you for advice, don’t paint the Mona Lisa blindfolded, with one hand behind your back. Demonstrate how you would draw a sketch. Something accessible for the person you are interacting with.

Pursuing Your Dreams

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;

Personal growth enthusiasts (and I assume you are one) have dreams. Dreams of achieving great things and growing as a person. A dream is something you have not yet attained. It is a desire and an expectation of something to realize in the future.

Having dreams is great. It gives you direction and determination. But it shouldn’t lead to an obsession that consumes your entire life and makes you lose sight of what you already have.

“Life passes most people by while they’re making grand plans for it.”
George, in the movie Blow

The Purpose of Thinking

If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;

You don’t think for the sake of thinking. You think to get a better understanding of a situation (or a phenomena), in order to make better decisions and take more fruitful actions. Thinking for the sake of thinking (as well as reading for the sake of reading) is a mental disease, where people disconnect themselves from reality in order to pursue ideas for their own sake.

Knowledge is NOT power. You need to apply knowledge to serve you in life. Thinking is a means, not an end.

The Highs and Lows of Life

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

“Triumph” and “Disaster” are labels we attach to certain events. They involve an intellectual evaluation on our part, given our values and goals. Publishing a book can be a triumph for someone whose goal was to simply publish a book, but a disaster for someone who wanted it to reach the New York Times Best Seller list.

You shouldn’t simply see a triumph as a triumph, or a disaster as a disaster. We should learn from them equally, to the measure we succeed in each one, and the measure that we feel in each one. There are always lessons to learn from both, as well as the circumstances that have not earned either label. We shouldn’t allow the labels to distract us from the lessons we can learn.

Exploiting Your Good Works

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

There will always be people who exploit the good work others do. If you teach people to create a heaven on earth, you can almost guarantee that there will be people selling tickets for entry (with tickets at a higher price for VIP treatment). The best lies are those based on the highest degree of truth. The greatest crimes are often committed in the name of noble ideals.

But that doesn’t mean that you should never speak the truth, or never promote your ideals. What you do is your responsibility. What others do is theirs.

Purpose & Persistence

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you’ve dedicated your life to a cause, there’s no use in giving up on it, no matter how many setbacks you face along the way. As long as you can exert an effort in support of your cause, then you should exert it.

I absolutely love the expression: “worn-out tools.” The tools can be held up as evidence for the commitment and dedication already put in towards the cause. And rather than blame the condition of the tools for not continuing along the same path, they are recognized as symbols of your persistence.

Taking Risks

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

Life is risky. You succeed one day, and fail the next. But the fact that risk exists isn’t a good reason to avoid it. You cannot avoid going a step forward because of the likelihood you will take a step back. Accepting the fact of risk in life helps us avoid experiencing frustration or regret about taking risky measures. And it stops us from daring to stop daring.

Strength & Willpower

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

Your body is capable of much more than you give it credit for. But a huge portion of your strength is untapped. The key to unlocking your strength is the will to unleash it. We often hold ourselves back because we lack the will to push ourselves forward. Our physical body can do more, but our psychological outlook refuses to support it. If we truly want to push our limits, we must be willing to push our limits.

Social Circles

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,

In life we interact with different people, with different values, living in different conditions. The ability to relate and connect with as many social circles widens our social relationships, and helps us expand our influence and reach. The more people you can bond with, the greater the good you can spread. If you disconnect or close yourself off from other people, you won’t be able to achieve as much as you would like.

You don’t want to be negatively influenced by any social circle you interact with. Instead, you want to be the positive influence, and the bridge between different groupings.

Dependence, Independence & Interdependence

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

You don’t want to depend on others or have others depend on you. You want to be able to contribute to other people’s well-being, while caring for your own well-being. Interaction amongst independent individuals (i.e. interdependence) allows for the greatest outcomes in life and society.

Don’t place yourself at the mercy of others, or have others place themselves at your mercy.

Value Time

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Time is what you make of it. We all experience the same seconds, minutes and hours, but it’s what we do with our time that counts. The challenge is to make the most of our time, without pleading for more time. How best can you make the most use of your time? Live according to that.

Although it’s not mentioned in the poem, but I find it necessary to point something out: Most people interested in productivity and time management are actually struggling with productivity and time management. They don’t need to be told to value time. They already do, but don’t know how best to deal with the problem of not making the most use of their time. I would like to offer a mini piece of advice:

Time management requires the development of key skills, which you might not possess already. That’s fine, because they are skills you can learn. But they take some time to develop and get used to. If you’ve struggled to focus while working, you know that it’s not as easy as some writers make it out to be. But you shouldn’t be kicking yourself for not attaining perfect focus from day one. You are having unrealistic expectations of how skills are formed. They take time to develop and a great deal of patience and commitment. Give yourself a stretch of time to develop the skills you find necessary to be productive, without straining yourself against the laws of nature.

Man on Earth

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

We’re not “just human” or “only human.” Being human is a compliment. We’re not born human. We aspire to become human beings, expressing all the good we are able to express. Being human requires effort. Being human is determined by the strengths we possess and not the weaknesses we can overcome. It’s in actualizing our potential, not in ignoring it. In living consciously and exercising our free-will, not in dimming our consciousness and expecting others to make decisions for us.

What’s more, being fully human should be demonstrated in the way we lead our lives on earth. When we live morally, we will experience the greatest joys possible for us. Make the right choices, and develop positive characteristics and noble virtues, and you will experience their benefits here on Earth.

As you can see, the poem covers a great deal about life and what it means to be human. I find it extremely inspirational and a great reminder of the characteristics I wish to develop.

If you think the same way, or happen to disagree with me, I would love to hear from you!

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There are three very distinct concepts that we tend to use interchangeably, while overlooking their differences. Distinct concepts don’t refer to the same thing. It should be obvious, but that, sadly, isn’t the case.

There are huge differences between what’s natural, what’s healthy and what’s normal.

If you don’t know the difference, you will in a few short minutes.

The Natural

This is a personal growth blog, so I won’t be talking much about the natural world (birds, bees, trees, planets, etc). I’m more concerned with what’s natural to human beings.

If you look at the people around you, or the stories you see on TV or the Internet, you will realize the broad spectrum of different ideas humans can hold, emotions they can experience and behaviors they can exhibit.

Some people believe in a realm beyond our own, while others believe that the material world is all that exists. Some can be calm and collected in the face of adversity, while others can collapse at the sight of impending danger. Some express kindness, while others exercise aggression. Some are athletic, while others are obese. And there’s a range of possibilities within each spectrum of human existence. The possible combinations are endless.

But all these possibilities – as long as they are possible to human beings – can be considered natural (unless, of course, they involve a mad scientist with monkey parts and a scalpel). Whatever human beings can experience is natural to being human. That includes health as well as illness.

Therefore, to say that “it’s only natural” that we eat A, B and C, or do X, Y and Z doesn’t offer a sound argument to follow such instructions. Because it’s possible doesn’t mean that it’s good for us.

That’s what the healthy defines.

The Healthy

The set of options that are life-affirming (i.e. good for us) belong to the subset of the healthy. The ideas that reflect an accurate understanding of the world, the emotions that lead to constructive action and the behaviors that ensure our well-being are all healthy.

These are the options we should pursue, and should gravitate towards. While not every action we carry out may be healthy, but we need to have a leaning towards healthier options in life.

The standard of the healthy is what satisfies our needs as human beings, without compromising any aspect of what makes us human.

What’s not a standard for the healthy and life-affirming is the example other people set. And certainly not what the majority of the people do.

That’s not healthy. That’s just normal.

The Normal

What’s common amongst a group of people is the normal. The ideas people are accustomed to, the reactions they experience and expect, the food they eat, the clothes they wear and everything that’s commonly accepted by a group (be it a household, a family, a neighborhood, a town, a nation, a civilization, etc) is the normal, within that group.

But the normal isn’t an indication of what we should do. In most cases, it indicates what we shouldn’t.

Not everyone takes personal growth seriously. The majority of people tend to prefer the easy route through life, which is paved with the wrong decisions.

You don’t want to belong to what’s normal. You want to lead a healthy life, in all aspects of life. That involves conscious living and being committed to making the right decisions in life. You don’t need people’s permission to be healthy.

That’s a decision for you to make on your own. But relying on the standards of the normal won’t get you there.

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