From the monthly archives:

December 2008

Accepting Gifts

by Haider on December 28, 2008 · 18 comments

in Relationships

When you’re on the receiving end of a gift, you may sometimes feel guilty accepting the gift, and so end up turning it down (or, at least, trying to turn it down while the gift-giver insists that you accept it).

There’s nothing wrong with the gift and you love the person giving you the gift, but you don’t wish to bother the person, or feel that his gesture is more than you deserve.

A lesson I learnt from my brother, which I later realized in my own experiences, is that the gift-giver enjoys giving a gift much more than having his gift returned, especially if out of guilt. My brother would give me gifts that I was too embarrassed to accept, not realizing that he is happy when he sees me happy.

Usually, gifts are given voluntarily and to express a certain sentiment. The gift-giver wants to see the other person happy and hopes that the gift will achieve this purpose. By rejecting the gift you are not saving the gift-giver the hassle, or responding in a way that confirms the sentiment he wishes to express, or experiencing the feeling he wanted you to have. Rather than feeling happy (a positive emotion) for having received the gift, you experience guilt (a negative emotion) that the gift-giver doesn’t want you to experience, especially as a result of something that he did!

Therefore, in the future, if others wish to make you happy, don’t dismiss their attempts. Accept their offers and enjoy the feelings they wanted you to experience.

That’s the gift they receive in return :)

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Structured Spontaneity

December 27, 2008

Many people find joy in breaking their daily routines and doing things that are completely spontaneous. Routines are seen as restrictions and spontaneity is seen as liberation.
However, routines can serve an important role in our lives and bring about advantages that we would not enjoy without them. So rather than seeking to escape from routines [...]

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Avoid Time Voids

December 27, 2008

I have spent many, many nights wondering how the day passed by without me getting any work done. It feels as though my body went through the day while my mind was somewhere else. While this experience has many causes, I realized that a major contributor to it is Time Voids in my schedule.
What are [...]

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The Leaky Boat Analogy

December 25, 2008

We sometimes struggle in our search to find the causes of our bad habits and our inability to overcome them. Why can’t I wake up early in the morning? Why can’t I control my temper? How can I stop wasting so much time on email?
We search for major causes that could be responsible for our [...]

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The Nod Effect

December 25, 2008

Have you ever heard a piece of advice you agreed was extremely valuable, and responded with a nod?
But what happened after that? Did you take the information on board and applied it to your life? Or were you simply content with agreeing?
Agreeing with advice – and responding with a nod – but not applying the [...]

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