In yesterday’s post I suggested that you look at your past failures for lessons you can learn from them.
But I didn’t mention a key distinction between two concepts: reasons and excuses.
You can dig up the reasons for your past failures, or construct excuses to justify these failures.
But what’s the difference? How can you ensure that you’re not contaminating your mind with the excusitis disease that plagues so many people?
Planting Excuses
My daughter was extremely frightened on her first day at kindergarten, and created an Oscar-worthy scene as she was being escorted inside the school.
When I picked her up that day, I asked her why she was so frightened. She said that she didn’t want us to leave her with strangers.
But several days later, she kept coming up with other “reasons” for why she was afraid. Reasons that didn’t even exist on the first day!
“You know why I cried? I wanted to see grandma!”
“You know why I cried? I was afraid Salim [a boy in her class she hadn’t yet met] would hit me!”
I found her excuse-generation interesting, since she was planting reasons for why she behaved the way she did that didn’t exist at the time.
A reason can’t be a reason if it was made up after the event. That’s a sure sign that you’re creating an excuse to justify what happened.
But there are always reasons for successes and failures.
You simply need to have the willingness to admit what they are.
Sounds simple, but definitely not easy.
Taking The Next Step
Not all excuses are made up. A reason for failure can be used as an excuse, depending on how you approach it.
When you state the reason as a justification and a reassurance that you’re not to blame, since there was a reason for your failure, then that reason has magically transformed into an excuse.
Instead of being content with uncovering the reasons for your past failures, it’s important to take the next step and ask yourself the question: “What could I have done to overcome this reason?”
Again, the point isn’t to justify the failure, but to learn from the experience.
By directing your focus to what can be done to remove the reasons for failure, you end up with practical steps you can take to avoid similar failures in the future.
Suppose you had a resolution to go to the gym on a daily basis. You bought a one-year membership, but only managed to go for the first two weeks and never set foot in the gym again for the rest of the year.
That’s a failure, probably with several factors that led to it.
- You didn’t schedule your gym visits properly. How can you schedule your gym visits?
- You didn’t plan your work projects more effectively. What can you do to ensure that you don’t need to spend extra hours at work?
- You didn’t ask your partner to help you maintain your routine. How can you get your partner to support you in your health efforts?
- You overwhelmed yourself with a complicated exercise regimen. What simple routine can you begin with that is easy to stick to?
- You weren’t supplying your body with the nutrients it needs to maintain the extra work you were demanding of it. What should you be eating to stay energized?
- Etc.
By looking at each reason and what can be done about it, you develop a solution-focused attitude that allows you to learn from the past, without being comforted by excuses.