Categories
Professional

Don’t Be Alarmed, I’m Still Alive

It’s been six weeks since I quit my day job (and wrote a blog post over here!).

If you’ve been wondering whether I’m still alive or not, I hope this post will reassure you that I am. And I certainly hope you’re not disappointed! 😛

The past six weeks have been full of lessons for me that I can’t possibly share with you in a single blog post, but will be covering in many posts in the days ahead.

I would like to begin posting weekly updates of my progress, as well (thanks to my friend Gavin for the suggestion to post personal updates!).

The biggest challenge so far has been deciding what to commit myself to. I have many interests and I’m surrounded by many opportunities. Since this is the first time I get to decide what to do with my life, it’s been difficult for me to find something to focus on (side note: my last job was actually my first job out of university, and it was the first job I applied for in Kuwait. Besides, I wasn’t really conscious of the possibilities I can pursue in life when I first applied, so didn’t get to explore the many, many options available).

From personal experience, and from my study of balance and productivity, I’ve come to realize that you cannot make the most use of your time and energy if you lack clarity about what you are doing, both in the long-term and in the moment. Therefore, for the past six weeks I have been out of balance and unproductive. Whenever I sit down to get some work done, I begin to question whether the task at hand is the best use of my time at the moment. Since I wasn’t clear on what I wanted to do in the first place, I couldn’t answer the question, and would end up rethinking my plans for the future.

I managed to boil my options down to a short list, but the question of whether I’ve made the right choice or not haunted me.

What I realized from this experience is that I’ve spent more time and energy worrying about what I should be doing, and whether my choice is right, than on making progress with any of the options open to me. This seems like a massive waste of time and energy. Besides, clarity doesn’t mean you can predict the future. It means you’re clear about what you want to do now and in the future. The future might very well throw at me a fact I am not currently aware of, which will get me to change course. But for now, given the choices available to me and what I feel passionate about, I will stick to my short list and commit my time and energy to moving these projects forward, rather than worry about how correct my choice is.

So what is my short list, I hear you ask?

I’ll leave that for next week’s update… 😉

Categories
Professional

Goodbye, Day Job!

Today (9 July) is my birthday.

And what better way to celebrate my birthday than to experience a re-birth and opening a new chapter in my life?

Which is why I’ve chosen this day as the last day I work at a regular day job.

But before I talk about the reasons for my decision, I must begin with a word of caution:

Every person I spoke to recommended that I secure another job before quitting my current job. While this may be a sensible approach to many, I don’t believe it was applicable to my situation, and I will cover the reasons for that in this post.

Having said that, my approach is extremely risky by any standard, and I wouldn’t like to recommend it to anyone. I offer this post as a personal account, which you may be able to relate to. But I urge you to consider your own situation before committing to follow in my footsteps.

As much as I hate relying on others for financial support, I have asked family members to help me during the transition into this new model of work that I would like to live by. If you’re not surrounded by a supportive group that is able to offer such assistance, you may still be able to make such a move, but I can’t personally encourage you to take that step. I simply don’t know enough about this journey to be able to make such a bold claim to success. I can’t guarantee for others what I haven’t secured for myself. Making such a drastic move may require more planning than I had anticipated, so I can’t ask anyone to imitate my decision. It’s too early for that.

I suggest you read this post as an insight into why I think day jobs are ineffective, and try to look for ways you can reshape your work schedule so that it can do away with some of the disadvantages of a regular day job.

Reasons for Staying

I’ve been thinking about leaving my current job for over two years, but never took a serious step to finding another job or re-considering my approach to work.

One of the main reasons why I believe I was able to endure my current job without looking for better alternatives was the acceptance that this is what life feels like, and that I shouldn’t aspire for anything better. This is an idea that we may consciously reject, but it sets the tone for the life we lead. We don’t make a move because we don’t believe it’s worth trying. Life will feel the same no matter where we go.

Work is annoying. Work is frustrating. Work is time-consuming. Work is constraining. No matter where you go, work will always be the same. The faces surrounding you will change and the salary might be different, but the experience of working will be the same.

Whenever I complained to people about office politics, they would say: “Big deal. You get that everywhere.”

But should it exist in the first place? Are humans incapable of creating a work environment they can enjoy? Is this the only work template we are left with?

The subconscious answer is usually a soul-breaking: Yes.

If you’re not convinced that this is all that life has to offer, you won’t be willing to go down without a fight. You will accept that there are greater things waiting for you, if you would only pursue them.

But rather than pursue them, your journey is brought to a halt by the twin obstacles of fear and hope. Fear that you might not get what you want once you make your move and hope that things will get better where you are.

I used to proactively stoke the fire of hope by pursuing my own projects so that I can remain excited and engaged in my work. This meant that I was unable to move beyond where I was and to pursue another job.

Reasons for Leaving

One of the projects I felt passionate about was re-designing the student website. Before it became an official project, I was begging my manager to give me this project to work on, but she didn’t believe I had the time to take on such a project (and, being realistic, I believe she was right, given the work conditions at the time).

When I heard that the site re-design became an official project, I was eager to jump on the project bandwagon and offer whatever support I can provide.

But I soon realized that the project won’t be properly managed, and so I offered my recommendations on the management level rather than get my hands dirty with web development (which was being delayed by a management decision, anyway).

There was a consistent stream of wrong decisions being made by the project manager. Whenever I would suggest something, I would somehow be “100% correct” but none of my suggestions would be implemented. Things that seemed obvious to me were entirely overlooked by the project manager and the project committee. The team members that I spoke to would agree with me, but would not be prepared to take on my issues with management. They simply wanted to focus on their own tasks.

I felt responsible to help the project succeed, but I was being treated like an obstacle that was getting in the way of progress. The fact that the project was going in the wrong direction didn’t seem to matter as long as “progress” was being made.

Because I take my work seriously, the project was affecting every aspect of my life. Whenever I spent time with family I would be thinking about the project and how I can help it change course. But whenever I spoke up I would be ignored. The emotional toll this project was having on me was unbearable, but I still felt committed to it.

After giving some recommendations to the committee head, I was told to not involve myself in the committee’s work and to concentrate on my own tasks. This was extremely hard for me to accept, because I knew that the committee’s decisions will determine the success of the project much more than the work that I would be doing. I tried to focus on my own tasks, but I couldn’t. I was effectively being told to paddle upstream in a waterfall. I experienced chest pains and stomach aches for three consecutive days while I was trying to ignore the work the committee was doing so I can continue my paddling.

When I was called in to be briefed about committee decisions that were made that day (some of which I had suggested 6 months earlier), I realized that my efforts were in vain. The head of the committee distanced me from the decision-making, even though I reached the decisions that she had reached 6 months before. I walked out of the meeting and sent an email to the committee head informing her that I had left the project.

And after securing for myself some financial support if I was to resign, I told my manager that I would be resigning.

Although I had the intention to leave a long time ago, this experience acted as a catalyst that forced me to take decisive action, rather than fear uncertainty or hope for uncertainty. It crystallized some important facts that I was choosing to ignore. These facts are what led me to decide that I should no longer aspire to hold a regular day job.

The Facts that Made the Difference

Throughout my 4 years of employment, I always struggled to come to work on time. Most days I would have to chisel myself out of bed. I usually blamed lack of motivation for this. But motivation had nothing to do with it. I was experiencing a struggle I was hoping would go away.

I was trying to conform to policies that I did not agree with. I don’t believe that developers need to be present in a specific location to be of value and that they need specific work hours to offer their value. I don’t agree with such an approach to work, but I was trying to force myself to fit into that mold. Don’t get me wrong. Some jobs require attendance and a specific work schedule. But do these factors apply to the type of work that I’m doing? And – more importantly – am I doing the work that I want to be doing and is most suited for me?

Some people enjoy selling products to customers. Others enjoy writing in a secluded corner. A day job doesn’t distinguish between the two. It simply tells you to show up at a specific location during specific times, even if that’s not the best approach to the work being carried out.

This was only part of the struggle I was experiencing. There are other issues that fueled my inner conflict. But what I realized was that this conflict was between my values and company values, but the inner conflict emerged because my actions weren’t stemming from my own values. My actions were trying to adjust to company values. That’s why (or one of the reasons why) I found it difficult to get out of bed. I was trying to ignore my values, while my body knew that I wasn’t convinced with company values. You can’t live according to other people’s values.

This struggle meant that I was wasting my time, my energy, my emotions and my life doing things that I shouldn’t really be doing. I’m not doing myself a favor or anyone else on the face of the planet a favor by wasting my life living against my values and not looking for a way that I can truly shine.

What pushed me over the edge when it comes to abandoning the whole notion of a regular day job is the fact that different people have different strengths. Some are good at programming, others are good at managing. Some bring the greatest value to others through their ideas, while others do it through physical labor. Some can see the big picture, while others can see the finest details. We each have unique strengths that should be the basis for our career decisions. I wasn’t at a job that harnessed my greatest strengths, which meant that I was doing the world a disservice by staying there. What’s more, I realized that my greatest strengths reside in tasks that don’t fit the day job mold.

I am better at defining a process than carrying it out. I can tell a company how they should handle customer care rather than be a customer care staff member. Once I realized what my greatest strengths truly are, it seems only sensible that I should abandon the idea of a regular day job, and look for ways I can make the most use of my strengths.

I cannot afford to waste more time stuck in my day job trying to look for another day job when the work model itself doesn’t suit my style of work.

These are the main reasons for my decision, and why I can now celebrate my Personal Independence Day, knowing that I made the right decision.

I look forward to sharing more about my experience with you, and hope I can be a source of inspiration and information for you to realize your own dreams and share your own strengths with the world!

Stay tuned to find out how my life unfolds and what lessons will be unravelled along the way.

Categories
Personal Growth

Asking the Wrong Question

There is a question that seems to make a constant appearance in our minds. It accompanies us everywhere we go and joins us in every task we carry out.

But it’s the wrong question to befriend.

Although it seems like a very reasonable question, and one that’s very popular in the field of personal growth, neither asking the question nor finding an answer for it is ever reasonable.

This question distracts us from the question we should be asking and befriending.

As soon as you abandon the wrong question and embrace the right question, you’ll realize that many of the obstacles you’ve been facing in life have nothing to do with the challenges that life throws in your direction, but the way you approach them and the question that you use to face these challenges.

“But there are no wrong questions!”

That’s wrong! Very wrong!

Of course there are wrong questions!

I don’t know who came up with this whole “there’s no right or wrong” nonsense, but you’re undermining your personal growth if you think that all questions will help you grow.

Don’t take my word for it, though. Look at the consequences of the questions you ask yourself and decide which questions you should be asking yourself and which ones you should ignore.

The Wrong Question

You might be shocked to find out what the wrong question is, but give yourself a minute to digest why it’s wrong before you think what I’m saying is wrong 😉

The wrong question to ask yourself is: “Can I do it?”

This question comes up in a variety of ways, but all with the same intention: to question yourself and your abilities.

“Can I do it?”

“Can I handle it?”

“Can I be happy?”

“Can I succeed?”

The list of possible ways to ask yourself this question is endless. For every situation you face or emotion you experience, there is a version of that question especially designed to fit that situation and screw everything up in the process.

Answering the Wrong Question

It’s important to bear in mind that wrong questions shouldn’t be answered. They should be ignored.

Sadly, many personal growth “experts” get you to invest your time, energy and money in answering the wrong question.

Instead of telling you what the right question is, they try to inject you with shots of motivation and try to boost your self-esteem:

“You can do it!”

“Believe in yourself!”

“Everything is possible!”

This usually doesn’t help (and not for long, anyways). By accepting the wrong question as though it was valid (and needs answering!), they are reinforcing the negative effects of the wrong question.

Instead of giving the wrong question the attention it seeks, you should direct your attention to finding answers to the right question.

The Right Question

Although the right question looks very similar to the wrong question, their consequences are worlds apart.

The right question is: “HOW can I do it?”

Now THAT’S a question you can proudly befriend!

Right and Wrong

The labels “right” and “wrong” belong to a very sensitive subject: judgment.

Some people shudder at the thought of being judged or even judging others. And while I’ve been juggling these two labels quite liberally in this article, I don’t intend on casting a judgment on my readers. In fact, I aim for the opposite: you shouldn’t be judging yourself.

And this is what’s at the heart of the difference between the two questions.

The wrong question leads you to question yourself and to put labels on your character, while distracting you from the issues you should be dealing with and the challenges you are facing.

It necessitates a judgment.

Can I do it?

No I can’t, because I’m ignorant, I’m incompetent, I’m shy, I’m depressed, I’m angry, I’m lonely, etc.

Even if the answer to the question is a resounding: “Yes I can!”

It’s based on a judgment.

Because I know how to, I’m confident, I’m excited, I’m intelligent, I’m charismatic, etc.

What happens when you face your next hurdle? You ask yourself the same question again. And again. And again.

But with time and a series of challenges, you may begin to doubt yourself, especially when confronted with new challenges you can’t rely on past experience to confirm whether you truly can handle or not.

The right question doesn’t come with this problem. It’s not intended to be a means to judge yourself and what you can do. It forces you to look at the problems you face and seek solutions for them. Without questioning your abilities or doubting yourself.

If your approach doesn’t work the first time, the same question will pop up again (though slightly modified): How [else] can I do it?

By asking the right question you don’t end up worrying so much about your own strengths and weaknesses. Instead, you will put your strengths into use and look for ways to overcome your weaknesses. Without judgment. Without blame. Without doubt.

Facing Life with the Right Question

You can only effectively deal with life’s challenges by focusing on how they should be dealt with and not on whether you can deal with them or not.

Most problems we face in life are a result of asking the wrong question. Don’t amplify its impact by searching for an answer. Instead, ask yourself the right question in order to develop the right focus in life.

Decide today to commit yourself to asking the right question, and you will realize the enormous impact it has on your life!

Categories
Personal Growth Map

I Have A Confession…

You may have noticed that I haven’t blogged for a long time now.

Well, I have a confession to make…

Before I became a personal growth writer, I was a reader (and still am!). I seek solutions in the personal growth literature available so I can tackle the problems I face in my life. And while I’ve spent a lot of time, energy and money seeking results, I haven’t always gotten the results I want.

What’s worse is that some problems were amplified after getting into personal growth!

I am sure you went through a similar experience: You are overwhelmed by the challenges life throws at you, so you turn to personal growth for solutions, only to feel overwhelmed by the amount of solutions available!

You don’t know where to begin, what to use, how to use it, what to trust, etc.

Your problems multiply and grow in complexity.

That’s not the result personal growth literature was designed to bring into our lives. But in many causes – and to varying degrees – it does.

The worst hit by these problems are those who are in need of personal growth the most!

If you are able to cope effectively with life’s challenges and are simply looking for better ways to lead your life, you are slightly immune from the problems that can germinate in the field of personal growth. But the more help you need, the more help you will need after being exposed to personal growth!

By now you must’ve figured out my dark secret: I’m not the biggest fan of personal growth.

To be clear: I’m not the biggest fan of the material available, and how it seems to ignore the problems being caused by it.

As a personal growth writer I would like to help others deal effectively with their problems without burdening them with more problems. And I can’t honestly say that up to this point I haven’t contributed to the problem. I have. Quite possibly with every blog post or comment I’ve written.

This is why I went on a break, trying to figure out how to offer solutions without any negative side effects.

If you have been eagerly waiting to learn more about the Personal Growth Map, I sincerely apologize for my silence. I promise that I will offer you more information. In fact, I came up with the PGM in order to tackle the growing problems in personal growth!

For us to work together to tackle the problems being posed by personal growth – which are impacting us all – I would like you to leave a comment on this post with what problems you’ve personally faced after being exposed to personal growth literature. Whether it’s overwhelm, procrastination, confusion, anxiety, etc. I’d love to hear from you so we can begin our journey by admitting there are problems in personal growth that need to be addressed and that we won’t be going for solutions that build on these problems instead of destroying them.

The most important spot on your Personal Growth Map is the “You Are Here” spot. Find out where that is so you can begin experiencing real results!

I look forward to your comments 🙂

Categories
Psychological

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

This post is written in solidarity with Leo Babauta, who received an email informing him that the phrase “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” was copyrighted. Since this phrase happens to be one of my mantras, I disagree with having someone owning the phrase and dictating how and where it should be used. While I believe it’s important to respect intellectual property, I don’t think you need to be an intellectual to come up with a phrase like this, let alone claim ownership of it!

Rational and Irrational Fears

Fear is one of the strongest and most fatal obstacles to success. It paralyzes us from ever taking action to achieve our goals.

But fear (like all other negative emotions) exists to advance our life on earth. We experience fear so that we do not take the actions that can put us in harm’s way. Fear of heights is a very reasonable emotion to experience. Without it we might jump off high places with a wide smile on our faces!

So fear itself isn’t a problem. It’s there for a reason.

It becomes a problem when we experience it in the wrong situations or for the wrong reasons. This kind of fear is irrational. Rather than fulfilling its role of protecting us, it causes us damage. This is the kind of fear that needs to be uprooted from our lives.

Overcoming Irrational Fears

Given the fact that irrational fears aren’t grounded in reality, they are based on impressions and assumptions we have formed about an experience we have yet to experience! Those most frightened of public speaking usually don’t have any experience speaking in public! But they assume it will be a terrifying ordeal and so they go through the emotions that support their impression.

Is there anything to really be afraid of when speaking in front of an audience?

Not really. To be more specific: whatever it is you’re afraid of, fear will make it worse.

If you’re afraid of making a fool out of yourself, then being frightened to death to get up on stage won’t make you less of a fool. 🙂

Fear that is not based on real threats is baseless, and the only way to expose it is by taking action to dispel it. That way, we would have experienced what we are frightened of, without the threats that we feared, simply because they never existed!

Fear in Everyday Life

You might think that fear pops up only when it comes to radical situations, such as bungee jumping or being confronted by a grizzly bear. But we experience fear on a very regular basis. In fact, fear is one of the most common causes of procrastination. We put off work because we’re afraid of the experience, or the outcomes.

But usually, when we bring ourselves to do the work, we realize that it’s not bad after all and that we have underestimated our ability to get it done. The fears were irrational.

There are many opportunities around us to move our lives forward, but we overlook them because we’re too afraid of the unknown or whether we are capable of achieving our goals or not. But rather than live in a bubble of fear, it’s important that we liberate ourselves from irrational fears and interact with reality, to discover how meaningless our fears are.

Don’t deny that you are frightened. Don’t blame yourself for being afraid. Don’t mix your fear with guilt.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.