Why Selfishness is a Good Thing

by Haider on March 24, 2009 · 13 comments

in Selfishness

One of the most common moral principles taken for granted to be true, without questioning its validity and consequences, is the principle that selfishness is evil. No matter how much evidence there is to the contrary, it is always our thoughts and our feelings that are brought into question, but never the principle itself. To question the principle is akin to blasphemy.

But just as it was once blasphemous to state that the earth is round, the virtue of selfishness is a fact we must come to accept at one point or another. In other words, those who are still insisting that selflessness is a virtue might as well believe that the earth is flat.

In this article I would like to clear up the confusion surrounding selfishness, and to highlight the fact that not only does the problem with selfishness have nothing to do with selfishness itself, but that selfishness is a necessary quality for personal growth and the foundation for human happiness.

If you think what I just said is nonsense, then I suggest you read on…

The Meaning of Selfishness

Merriam-Webster defines selfish as:

1- concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
2- arising from concern with one’s own welfare or advantage in disregard of others <a selfish act>

Dictionary.com’s definitions are:

1- devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2- characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.

And TheFreeDictionary.com offers the following definitions:

1-  Concerned chiefly or only with oneself: “Selfish men were . . . trying to make capital for themselves out of the sacred cause of human rights” Maria Weston Chapman.
2- Arising from, characterized by, or showing selfishness: a selfish whim.

In mentioning all these dictionary definitions I don’t intend to clarify the meaning of the word, but to point out the ambiguity in the definitions. All the definitions seem to blend two ideas together:

1- One is selfish if he is concerned primarily with his own well-being
2- If he is selfish, the pursuit of his well-being is at the expense, or with disregard for, the well-being of others

But the two ideas aren’t inherently tied together. And this is where the confusion about selfishness originates. We have been fed the idea that if we pursue our own well-being, then we do so at other people’s expense and, therefore, we must be primarily concerned with other people’s well-being, if we wish to be moral.

The problem with selfishness isn’t the primary concern with our own well-being. That’s never a problem. To identify the root problem with selfishness, it’s important to distinguish between Bad Selfishness and Good Selfishness. As you are about to find out, Bad Selfishness has never and will never serve one’s own well-being, which goes to show that concern for one’s well-being isn’t the root cause of the problems commonly associated with selfishness.

Bad Selfishness

Imagine a person with the following characteristics and behaviors:

  • Not interested in what others have to say, or how they feel
  • Inconsiderate in what he says and speaks his mind, no matter how hurtful his words are
  • Is willing to make a sale at the expense of honesty, either by overlooking the faults in his products or exaggerating the benefits they offer
  • Is willing to take credit for work his colleagues or employees have done
  • Doesn’t care about his partner’s happiness, but only seeks what makes him happy
  • Doesn’t care about social problems or political causes

While all these characteristics are traditionally associated with selfishness, the question we need to ask is this:

Do these characteristics and behaviors advance this person’s well-being?

The short answer is: no. The longer answer is: it may do so in the short-term, but definitely not the long-term.

A person who doesn’t express interest in those around him will find it difficult to gain friends and build lasting relationships. People will avoid him if he is not considerate in how he behaves, and he will quickly lose people’s trust (and his sales) if he is dishonest.

Which leads us to ask a more important question:

How can these characteristics be associated with selfishness, when they do not advance the individual’s well-being?

If selfishness is primary concern for one’s own well-being, then these characteristics shouldn’t be categorized as selfish. It doesn’t matter how they affect other people, the individual himself is sabotaging his own well-being by behaving in such a way.

The problem doesn’t originate with pursuing one’s own well-being, since these characteristics clearly reveal that a “selfish” person isn’t achieving his well-being. The problem with Bad Selfishness is the disregard for the facts of reality and how well-being should be pursued.

Bad Selfishness looks for shortcuts to achieve happiness and success. It is a narrow view of life that blurs out some essential factors for happiness and long-term well-being, because such a person seeks instant gratification, without considering all the consequences of his behavior.

Bad Selfishness is the pursuit and gratification of a whim. It overlooks facts and principles of success. It is based on the outlooks of “I feel, therefore, I do” and “I want, therefore, I must have” without considering the roots of one’s feelings and the proper means of acquiring what one wants. Such a person experiences frustration, anger, resentment, jealousy, short-term gains and long-term losses because he is not respecting the laws of nature and human happiness.

Good Selfishness

Ignoring reality, both the external (i.e. the world in which we live and the people we come into contact with) and the internal (i.e. our nature as human beings and our individual personalities), never leads to well-being. A person who is truly selfish and who truly wishes to achieve his well-being will not act in ways that harm him, either in the short-term or the long-term. To be able to evaluate what is beneficial to us and what is harmful, we need to develop an understanding of reality.

Good Selfishness is based on the most fundamental principle of success and true happiness: Respect reality.

Good Selfishness never seeks shortcuts that have damaging consequences in the long-term. It looks at reality from the widest possible angle, to evaluate all consequences and determine the most appropriate outlook and behavior in any situation.

It is based on the outlook of: “I am, therefore, I think.

I am a human being, therefore, I must think in order to find the best course of action to take, given my surroundings and my nature.

Good Selfishness doesn’t place the interests and well-being of others above one’s own, but recognizes that other people’s well-being contributes to one’s own. This is why Good Selfishness promotes respect, consideration and kindness.

The Golden Rule of Morality: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is a selfish principle. It is based on the fact that your behaviors promote and justify to others the way in which to treat you. If you are kind to others, then you encourage kindness in them. If you are mean to others, then you give others permission (by your own conduct) that they treat you with meanness. Therefore, if you wish to advance your well-being, you should treat others the way you want to be treated. Others may not immediately (or ever) follow your example, but you do not give them justification to treat you in a way you do not like to be treated.

Good Selfishness doesn’t associate one’s own well-being with guilt, nor does it demand that other people’s well-being be pursued whenever one’s own well-being is pursued. You do not have to become healthy in order to serve others. Being healthy, being happy, being successful are proper for an individual, and he doesn’t need other people’s permission to achieve them.

The Golden Rule does not state: “Sacrifice yourself for the sake of others.” If it did, then the continuation of the rule would be: “so that they may sacrifice themselves for your sake.” Selflessness carries its own contradiction. If there is a demand that you sacrifice yourself for the sake of others, then you expect others to sacrifice themselves for your sake. But isn’t that selfish of you to expect?

It is selfish, but Bad Selfish. Good Selfishness – in line with the Golden Rule – doesn’t expect others to sacrifice themselves and their happiness for your sake, nor does it place the demand on you to sacrifice yourself for other people’s sake. You may choose to contribute to other people’s happiness, in the same way you would appreciate other people’s contributions to your own happiness. But it doesn’t place a demand on others to sacrifice their own happiness for you. You have a right to be happy and others have a right to be happy. We can work together to achieve happiness, without compromises or sacrifices or condemning one’s own pursuit of his happiness.

To Give Credit…

During my university years I valued selflessness above all other virtues, and considered selfishness to be the most despicable vice known to man. But I was constantly questioning my beliefs and trying to resolve any inconsistencies in my world-view. One of the things that made me uncomfortable about selflessness – which I initially thought was a failure on my part to resolve – was the inherent hypocrisy in the principle. Why is happiness appropriate for others, but not to me? Why should I make others happy and tend to their needs while I neglect my own happiness and needs? Why should I expect others to shoulder the obligation of making me happy, if I wanted them to be happy?

While this remained an issue for me to address, I was introduced to the writings of Ayn Rand, who considered selfishness a virtue. My knee-jerk reaction to her ideas and her writings was to consider her the anti-Christ, and the embodiment of all that is evil. She promoted selfishness and capitalism, which was enough in my book to consider her the devil. I continued to think that selflessness was a virtue and I simply wasn’t able to resolve the contradiction in it. But as I read more of Ayn Rand’s writings – while trying to keep an open mind and seeking to understand her views for what they are and not how they relate to my existing views – I came to realize the misconceptions I held about selfishness and why she considered it a virtue.

I can’t possibly cover Ayn Rand’s writings and philosophy in this blog post, but I highly recommend her books. In particular, you might want to grab Philosophy: Who Needs It and The Virtue of Selfishness. If you’re not convinced by what I have said, then these two books will contribute more material to the discussion.

What’s your take on selfishness? And how do you see it relating to personal growth and human happiness? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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Why Selfishness is a Good Thing | Positive Digest
January 14, 2014 at 12:12 am

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1 Ahmed Al-Ruhaimi April 28, 2009 at 2:54 am

Once again, some excellent ideas going on here :)

I’d like to share something that is always on my mind, and this is an appropriate location.

I have always wondered about selfishness, and when I try to consider life and relationships through an objective lens, I find myself at a very troubling conclusion. That we really are selfish. EVEN when we think that our actions are selfless, even when we think that we are doing things for others, we are very often doing them for ourselves.

For example, love and marriage. I never quite understood the eternal problem of people doing “anything for each other” before marriage, and then becoming lazy and slobbish after. why?! It’s the same people, what changed! And I come to the conclusion that the only change is that they both feel they have “secured” the other person (in marriage). And so, once there is no need to worry about the person leaving, then there is no longer any need to make an effort. Which in turn would suggest that no act of “love” or romance actually stems from love or romance. It is simply trying to secure someone who will love US. I’m not saying real love doesnt exist, but I do believe that without a strong framework of principles and a conscious knowledge of why we do each act that we do, then we could be fooling ourselves. Every small act that we do, if deep and honest thought is given to it, may have a selfish element. And so I am very very glad to read your outlook on the subject, because I have often felt, that despite my best intentions in doing a “loving” act, that maybe I’m only doing it so that I am loved in return.

Charity. Lets be honest. And Islam is very aware of this and highlights the difference between open charity and secret charity. They are worlds apart. Giving charity completely (compleeeetely) anonymously is a very unique thing. Even dropping a coin in a charity box in the corner shop, even that has an element of selfishness, in that satisfaction is gained from being seen. LOL i make myself sound bad, but its the truth. Giving charity over the phone, even if we dont know the phone operator on the other end, has a slight satisfaction to it.. just something to be aware of, and to question ourselves when we think that we are being totally selfless. It is important to be aware of it, because the truth is clearer that way, and truth is a guiding light. Without delving into my shortcomings as a person, but I do feel that every shortcoming or wrong in me is a cloud that obstructs the vision.

There is a very worrying quality in all humans that is a very powerful and intrinsic part of our being. We are liars. We lie to ourselves so much it boggles the mind. I have become so fascinated with this idea that i constantly question myself. And even with my best efforts, I sometimes discover that I have been convincing myself of many things that arent true, simply to feel better, or because it fits in with the whole framework of thinking that allows me to believe that im a good person. Im not debating whether I am or not, I’m just pointing out that if we ever took the time to question honestly ourselves, there could be some unpleasant discoveries. But unpleasant as they are, its best to discover and rectify than to just let it be.

2 Haider April 28, 2009 at 8:46 am

Dear Ahmed,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the subject.

I believe that selfishness is a good thing and there’s nothing wrong with admitting that you are selfish. However, it’s important to recognize what truly is in your favor and in support of your well-being and what isn’t.

Feeling satisfaction in giving charity is a healthy emotion. You are doing something good, therefore, you should feel good about it. But giving charity for the sole purpose of being admired is questionable.

Even in relationships. You don’t want to enter a relationship as a human sacrifice for your partner. It develops some very unpleasant expectations along the way. Besides, it’s not a proper foundation of a human relationship.

And while I agree that we have a strong tendency to deceive ourselves, this tendency is amplified when we try to conform to an unnatural moral principle, such as selflessness. Since being selfish is natural, we try to cover up our true intentions with selfless claims so that we don’t see ourselves as immoral. The first part to overcoming deception, in this case, is to acknowledge your natural right to be selfish, then you won’t have to look for reasons to cover it up! :D

3 Ifat February 24, 2010 at 3:24 am

Nice post. If anyone is interested in further reading, you can check out this piece on my blog, ‘Psychology of Selfishness’, providing many every day examples to illustrate what selfishness is and how one may be selfish or not-selfish even living entirely alone.

http://ifat-glassman.blogspot.com/2010/02/what-is-selfishness.html

I also have a post discussing selfishness in relationships, challenging the commonly accepted idea that the essence of selfishness in relationships is exploitation:

http://ifat-glassman.blogspot.com/2009/04/selfishness-in-relationships.html
Ifat´s last blog ..What is Selfishness? My ComLuv Profile

4 Haider February 24, 2010 at 10:47 am

Ifat, thanks for passing by and sharing links to your posts.

I just saw your post on selfishness in relationships, which I hadn’t read before. I’ll hopefully be writing a blog post on our obsession with sacrifice and compromise in relationships, which I don’t believe is healthy at all!

I hope to see more writers offering a positive perspective on selfishness, and I’m glad you’re a contributor to this trend! :D

5 Lonna July 6, 2010 at 8:35 am

The mere fact that we have flesh, which distinguishes you from I, as living human beings gives birth to selfishness. Making someone else Happy-makes me Happy. I take care of myself and make sure I get want and I need to survive, I don’t need much I am quite happy and very thrifty. The real Joy I seek is when I am truly helping others-which goes right back to selfishness because when I help others I am also helping myself, and making myself Happy. Maybe is should be called selfish-Oneness. We are separate by flesh by one of Heart :)

6 Haider July 6, 2010 at 4:15 pm

Hi Lonna, thank you for pointing out the connection between selfishness and making others happy. The danger is when we expect (or even demand) that helping others becomes a duty for us that we shouldn’t enjoy (pretty much what Immanuel Kant teaches). It’s important to recognize our individuality, but there remains a connection that binds all human beings together. We can experience the joy of receiving by giving. :)

7 Sandra Hendricks
Twitter: thisshouldhelp2
July 31, 2010 at 5:53 pm

I like how you distinguished “bad selfish” and “good selfish”. There is a definite difference in being selfish and self-centered. You did a wonderful job separating the two. I believe that to whatever degree, we are truly selfish that we are equally giving. If we are 100% selfish we are 100% giving. 20% selfish equals 20% giving. We can only give to other people what we give to ourselves. Thank you for posting such an awesome distinction.
Sandra Hendricks´s last blog ..I Wish I Could Have Discovered the Fine Lines in Living Sooner My ComLuv Profile

8 Haider July 31, 2010 at 6:22 pm

Hi Sandra,

Welcome to my humble blog. :)

People think within a false dichotomy that caring for yourself means that you must give up caring for others. To give means to lose. Either you win, or someone else wins (at your expense).

We can lead happier, more fulfilling lives when we recognize the role giving plays for our own well-being, and to truly respect our own needs and wants.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! :D

9 K.Sanders
Twitter: krenais
January 15, 2014 at 12:47 pm

Selfishness is a great thing. I feel the purist of happiness is to be selfish. This post is an amazing find for anyone who’s lost in some aspect of their life. I’m going to share this on my blog with credit to you of course, in reference to mindset and self perception. I have a weightloss blog so this is a major read as well as the books you’ve mentioned by Ayn Rand. She has an amazing story and her books will really make you think. Thanks again!

10 Haider January 21, 2014 at 12:11 pm

Hi Kristina,

Thanks for passing by and leaving a comment. And kudos for surpassing your weight-loss goal! ;)

11 noah April 11, 2014 at 10:24 pm

do not be so selfish in life that you hurt others be a medium or low level selfish person

12 Haider April 12, 2014 at 6:15 am

Hi Noah,

I don’t think it’s a matter of degree, but kind.

I promote selfishness in valuing your own happiness and pursuing your interests NOT at other people’s expense. So it’s not about exploiting people “just a little” or “not so much”, but on finding opportunities for mutual benefit. Unfortunately, there are those who label every action that brings about personal joy “selfish” and we must feel guilty for doing it. That’s the idea that I’m challenging in this article.

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