Categories
Personal Growth

7 Ideas That Are Probably Ruining Your Life

The sphere of personal development is full of ideas floating around and being adopted by different people.

Some ideas are more popular than others, and gaining popularity with time.

But their popularity isn’t an indication of how true and useful they are to their advocates.

Before I encourage an angry mob to gather at my doorstep, I have to make one thing clear: I don’t fully disagree with the ideas I’m about to criticize.

Each and every idea on the list below has a benefit to offer. However, from what I see, all these ideas are either taken to extremes or aren’t understood correctly by some of the people trying to live by them.

So, consider this list a warning signal for those who have yet to dive into the deep end of these ideas and a life vest for those already drowning there.

1- Follow Your Heart

An alternative way of saying this is: Follow your gut. But judging by what comes out of your gut, it should be clear that this isn’t sensible advice. 😛

To show you what’s wrong with this idea, let’s set the stage for when such advice is usually given: You are torn between two options. One has the full support of your mind and the other is what your heart leans towards. You feel you must follow the first option, but you really want to go with the second.

What do you do? What do you do?

Let’s add more detail to the story: Suppose you’re trying to lead a healthier lifestyle, but you’re really craving a donut. Should you go with your urges, or look for a healthy alternative?

The example above offers a crucial lesson when trying to live according to such ideas as “follow your heart”: In what context is it the right thing to do?

When you lack information about a set of options, the most sensible thing to do might be to acquire more information rather than go with what feels right to you at the time. If you’re pressed for time, then going by gut feelings can be a reasonable approach to breaking out of a dilemma.

But we can’t assume that anything our hearts tell us to do is right for us, especially if we haven’t taken the time or effort to condition our feelings to truly express what’s good for us. In other words, feelings can be powerful indicators of what our true needs are, which our conscious thoughts might be ignoring. They can also offer expression to the wisdom of our subconscious, which tends to pick up on and processes facts that our conscious mind is too dumb or distracted to notice.

“Follow your heart” is not an absolute principle to be adhered to at all times and in all circumstances. Your mind is usually a better indicator of what path you should pursue, even if that doesn’t sound too fluffy and romantic.

2- We’re Human Beings, Not Human Doings

The idea that you should appreciate the stillness of your existence, without the need to do anything to be happy is contrary to human nature. While you may find happiness by appreciating what you currently have and who you currently are, I would bet that that’s not a healthy form of happiness.

So there’s healthy and unhealthy happiness, now?

Of course!

Happiness is an emotional state you experience, but you can experience it for different reasons. Not all reasons to be happy are life-affirming (i.e. good for you). Evading responsibility and limiting consciousness can very well result in a sense of happiness. You basically choose to look away from your problems and imagine scenes and events that incite the feeling of happiness. That’s not a responsible way to live and certainly won’t lead to long-term, healthy happiness.

Trying to be happy while ignoring the need for action – and acknowledging its role in our happiness – is unnatural and unhealthy. Human beings need to do. That’s why we have limbs to do stuff. Our bodies weren’t designed for meditative postures (though they can benefit from them).

A huge chunk of our happiness comes from interacting with reality and feeling a sense of competence that we can set our minds to something and achieve it. We can get the results we want by taking the right actions. If we don’t get the results we want, we can adjust our actions and readjust until we discover the right ways of interacting with reality and discovering the needed skills for success. When babies learn to crawl they learn how it should be done, as well as develop the skill to do it. That results in a sense of accomplishment and healthy happiness.

“Doing” is a natural extension of “Being”. If you are a kind person, then you will behave in ways that express your kindness. Without doing, you aren’t being. Without showing compassion, you aren’t being compassionate.

Therefore, rather than pit “Being” and “Doing” against each other, we should learn to embrace both dimensions of what makes us human, and strive to better them both.

3- It’s Wrong To Be Selfish

This idea is usually expressed in the following way: “You’re being selfish! That’s sick! You’re putting your interests before mine! I hate you!”

I’ll be blunt: Selflessness is hypocrisy, but with good PR.

Anyone who condemns you for being selfish is usually disappointed for not having their own selfish wants satisfied through your selfless sacrifices. Do you smell the foul stench of hypocrisy?

OK, let’s be clear about one thing: Expecting others to make sacrifices for you is a bad thing. Having people pursue their own interests at your expense – with total disregard for your well-being – is a terrible thing. Thinking that making other people happy will somehow compromise your own happiness is a crime against humanity. If that’s what selfishness is, then it’s wrong.

But pursuing your own well-being isn’t wrong. It’s the only way for human beings to act responsibly. Your well-being is YOUR responsibility and no one else’s. Expecting others to put your well-being before their own is not only irresponsible but a crime against human nature and all that is good in the world. But that’s what selflessness demands: putting other people’s interests before your own. Looking at it from the opposite end: Demanding that other people put YOUR interests before their own!

Selflessness does not involve mutual gain. There’s always a winner and a loser.

But there is healthy selfishness, where you pursue your own well-being and seek to contribute to other people’s well-being (since that sets a standard for others to follow). You are never expected to make sacrifices. Only contributions. For mutual benefit. Where everyone is happy, and there’s no demand for sacrificial offerings.

4- Negative Emotions Are Bad

The whole idea that you have to be happy and positive all the time is contrary to human nature.

You have the capacity to experience negative emotions for a reason. That’s because negative emotions can be good for you. They make you aware of a problem area in your life that needs your attention. Trying to ignore your negative emotions, or condemning yourself for experiencing them isn’t the way to go. Addressing the problem that triggered your negative emotions is what you should be focusing on. Negative emotions are the symptoms of a problem, and can motivate you to address that problem. But trying to rid yourself of the emotions themselves will only bring temporary relief, and in an unhealthy way.

Of course, having a disposition towards negative emotions isn’t a good thing. Negative emotions are only healthy to the right degree and for the right reasons. Going into depression for a year because somebody didn’t like a painting you made might not be the right approach to take.

You want to embrace the fact that you can experience negative emotions, and make the most out of them to move your life forward. You’ll be going in the wrong direction if you simply try to run away from them.

5- Live In The Moment

One of the greatest ideas I have come to embrace recently is to live in the moment. It’s such a simple, yet powerful idea.

We’re often caught up in our thinking, and worrying about future events that we rob ourselves of the joy we can experience now. Living in the moment is about connecting with your current context and circumstances, and truly appreciating what they have to offer. When you’re reading a book, you’re reading a book. You’re not thinking about the report you have to write or the emails you have to send or the phone calls you have to make. You’re reading now, so enjoy the experience and the moment.

Thinking about past or future events will only create frustration and anxiety, as you struggle to control events beyond your control. But by focusing on the present, on the situation you are facing in the moment, you can direct your energies on the matters you do have control over and the circumstances you can alter. That’s when you can live your life to the fullest.

So why is this such a bad idea?

Well, if you completely ignore your past, or fail to plan for the future, then you’ll likely face a heap of problems that can very well ruin your life. The issues you’re struggling with now may stem from a past incident you need to acknowledge first, before you can move beyond it. Trying to focus on the present while ignoring your past is only an evasion that will come back to haunt you.

In addition, your present actions need to take you in the direction you would like to head in. Big projects can’t be completed in one day, let alone a single sitting. You have to plan them out over a stretch of time. If you refuse to think ahead because that’s not how you roll, then the idea of living in the moment won’t serve you in the ways you expect it to.

It’s crucial that we embrace the idea of living in the moment with the right frame of mind, without dismissing our past and our future, and the attention they deserve.

6- Be Yourself

Before you strive to be yourself, ask yourself this simple question: Who are you?

OK, I admit. The answer isn’t so simple. Neither is the question. Which goes to show, neither is the idea.

What do you you identify yourself with? Are you the clothes you wear? The ideas you hold? The people you hang around with? The interests you have?

If any of these things changed, would you be a different person and, therefore, going against the idea of “being yourself”?

The danger that comes with trying to “be yourself” is identifying with traits that are often damaging to your well-being. You may have heard people say: “You have to accept me for who I am.” But does this mean that they can’t change, or overcome their weaknesses? If somebody you know is consistently rude and abusive to you, do you have to accept them and encourage them to be themselves?

The point isn’t to identify with your current traits. Personal growth is about growing beyond your weaknesses and towards your strengths.

But “being yourself” is extremely important in life, as long as we understand it in a way consistent with our well-being.

We can never live according to the convictions of others, or in pursuit of their ambitions. We need to think for ourselves and lead our own lives. We can never imitate the behaviors of others, if these behaviors don’t stem from the personal values we hold and are an expression of the person we would like to be.

We don’t have to live to the expectations and standards people have of us, if we don’t wish to live to these expectations or want to conform to these standards. We have to exercise our ability to choose the values we want to live by, rather than mimic the lives of others.

You are not the shadow of somebody else, so don’t live like one.

7- You Create Your Own Reality

Probably the most damaging idea to ever disgrace personal growth literature, and to cripple the efforts of so many people, without them realizing.

You don’t create reality, you interact with it. You don’t create gravity, you become aware of it.

We use our senses to gain raw data about the world in which we live, use our minds to make sense of the data and use our bodies to respond to the data.

“Create your own reality” follows a very different process than the “interact with reality” model.

When you want to create your own reality, you assume that you already know all that there is to know about the world you wish to create and that the creative process is simply your will: you will things to be, and they become! When you fail to get the results you want, you force yourself to strengthen your will and purify your intentions. After all, your reality is a creation of your mind.

If you want success, then you have to consciously create it. Not pursue it. That’s so objective and boring. You’re a god. You create. You will things into existence. You don’t stoop to the level of learning and doing. That’s for the silly unenlightened folk, who have toil and work to achieve their success.

But the “interact with reality” model, on the other hand, isn’t as creative. It tells you that the world is governed by natural laws, which your will is unable to bend, no matter how hard you try. It even complicates the process of creation. It says that you must first understand how the world operates, and then use your understanding to create. But that involves effort, and is slightly demeaning. Plus, what happens if your understanding isn’t accurate, according to the world you live in? You would have to let go of false ideas about the world, and be willing to learn and embrace a new understanding, based on your interaction with reality.

Zzzzzzzzzzzz…

As dull as the “interact with reality” model may sound, it’s the one that works. The Wright Brothers didn’t invent the airplane by sitting down and consciously creating their invention with the power of their thoughts. They had to build a model. Test it out. See it fail. Determine the cause of failure. Build a new model based on their observations. Test it out. See it fail, and continue to witness failure after failure before they developed the right understanding of how airplanes are supposed to operate, given the laws of nature they have to deal with.

Those who promote the idea that you create your own reality and that there’s no such thing as objective reality often speak about the “laws of the universe” or the “law of attraction”, which applies to everybody, regardless of the type of reality they wish to create. In other words, the laws they set about creating your reality is objective. The content you create within that reality is subjective. But even then, they still rely heavily on an objective reality model. Steve Pavlina didn’t simply create his online success by subjectively creating his reality, even if that’s the explanation he offers on his blog. He had to understand what makes a blog successful, and use that understanding to his advantage. He constantly mentions the need to have a more accurate model of the world.

If you’re creating your own reality, what’s the benchmark for accuracy?

Each one of us sees the world through his or her own perspective, which is conditioned by one’s beliefs, experiences, reasoning and feelings. But that does not negate the fact that we live in an objective reality, and must strive to develop a more accurate understanding of how the world operates, in order to take the most effective actions possible by us.

There are a few more ideas I can think of that have the power to ruin people’s lives, but will leave them for another post. Feel free to share your own thoughts on the subject, and offer your own contribution to the list.

If you happen to disagree with what I’ve said, then I’d love to hear from you! 😀

Categories
Psychological

Playing the Part

Last Saturday I had a minor procedure (the details of which I wouldn’t like to get into, cos they ain’t pretty!).

Looking back at the whole experience, one thing stood out as being highly amusing.

When I was told I needed to have the procedure three days before it, a very strange thing happened.

I started to act ill!

My intention wasn’t to deceive anybody. I just played the part of being ill, because I was convinced there was something wrong with me, even though I didn’t feel ill.

I started to walk slowly, speak slowly, my energy level went down and I began slouching. And, yes, I partly felt sorry for myself.

But when I realized I didn’t have to feel that way, my mood suddenly changed. I felt more energetic and felt that I can do a lot more than feel sorry for myself.

Tony Robbins writes a lot about our “emotional states” and how we can change them by simply changing our posture and the way we behave. Rather than slouch because we’re tired, we can feel tired because we slouch!

We have an enormous capacity to feel great, and huge energy reserves we don’t tap into because we’re too busy playing a part that doesn’t take these resources into consideration.

This explains why terminally ill patients can enjoy their last breaths, without feeling bad about their condition. They’re not playing the part of the patient.

We can play the part of the victim, the overworked professional, the patient, the social outcast, the bad parent and any of a long list of possible negative roles.

Or we can play a more positive role that helps us enjoy our days and make the most out of the resources we have available to us.

What role are you playing in your life, and how can you change that to enjoy what life has to offer you?

Categories
Professional

Weekly Update #2: Firsts Steps

Last week was a very eventful week, with a lot of lessons learned and a few slaps in the face from good ol’ reality!

In this week’s (albeit late) update, I’ll give snippets of my plan for each project I’ve committed myself to and what lessons I’ve learned from last week’s events.

Spa Business

So far, the only established business I’m involved in is the Spa Business, which I’m working with my sister on. Our aim is to focus on offering quality service, and helping other spas establish quality standards to improve customer experience and to enhance their business.

I learned three key lessons from last week’s activities:

1) Have your agreements in writing: You never know to what extent people are committed to their verbal agreements. They might seem very enthusiastic about doing business with you, and you end up taking steps towards fulfilling your part of the bargain, only to realize that they weren’t serious, they changed their minds or they had financial difficulties they thought would go away if they didn’t bring them up.

2) Never assume: As the famous saying goes: “Assumption is the mother of all ‘screw’ ups.” (yes, I toned it down a tad)

You can assume you understood people correctly or they understood you correctly. You can assume a process is going to be simple, but ends up taking longer than expected. Of course, there are things you can never know beforehand, but many, many problems in life can be avoided if we stop assuming. If you’ve heard (or used) the expression: “but I thought…” then you know what it means to face a problem that could’ve been avoided if you hadn’t “thought” (i.e. assumed) something without getting confirmation first.

3) Make sure there’s no red tape: My sister has come up with some great ideas for our business. But when we tried to execute them, some silly policies got in the way that we didn’t anticipate. It’s always important to know what’s legally required (or permitted) when it comes to doing anything in your business.

We were on the verge of recruiting a therapist from abroad, but after reaching an agreement with her, it turns out that new work visas aren’t being issued at the moment in Kuwait. Although it’s very difficult to anticipate such restrictions, it’s important to at least be aware of potential red tape to avoid these hurdles.

Customer Experience Consultancy

Customer experience is a fairly new field, and not a lot of companies have heard about the field, or consider it important for their business. After all, they already have a customer service department, so that should do the job (or so they think). To convince companies that they need a customer experience consultant, I need to prove the need for them to focus on customer experience and that I am actually able to help them realize the benefits a customer-centric approach will bring.

Since I don’t have any credentials in this field, I decided to contact companies I’ve dealt with before, or employees I know that can convince management that I can be a valuable asset to their company. I’ve already had a meeting with one company, and I managed to get my foot in the door. I will now have to follow up with them, and be more proactive in establishing a working agreement. The manager I spoke to saw the potential in what I was offering, but still wasn’t clear on how we can work together. This is something I need to clarify in the next meeting.

I have also been advised by my friend Robert Matney to set up a blog to establish my expertise in this field. When I asked Jonathan Fields for advice, he reiterated Robert’s suggestion, and stressed on the importance of being a “thought leader” in the field we pursue (to all twitter users: when Jonathan asks “who he can help today?” take him up on his offer. He actually means it!)

The main lessons I learned from this project are:

1) Be proactive and take initiative: No matter how useful your services can be to a company, don’t rely on them to take initiative. If you want to move your career forward, it’s your responsibility to take action. Find out what obstacles you’re facing in reaching your goals and look for ways to overcome them.

2) Be clear on what you’re offering: Although the company I spoke to understood the importance of customer experience, they weren’t clear on how I’m going to help them with that, and what specific services I’m offering. I didn’t go down to that level in the meeting and, to be honest, I wasn’t too clear about that myself. Not because I don’t know how I will help them, but I don’t know how to structure my explanation. It’s not something I’ve thought through completely. For me to move my agreement with this company forward, and to be able to achieve more success with other companies, I need to be able to give as much detail as is required by the company. They have to be clear on what working with me will look like, so they can get a better picture of what they’re getting themselves into and what to expect as a result.

3) Have confidence in your ability to offer value: The thought of: “how can I convince companies to work with me when I don’t have the credentials?” keeps popping to mind, but I have to remind myself that, regardless of my credentials, I’m able to offer value. I just need to figure out how to prove this to the companies I wish to work with.

Personal Growth Map

I’m working on several fronts within my Personal Growth Map project: redesigning the site, adding new site features, writing reports, writing posts, marketing and coming up with a strategy to manage all these activities at the same time.

I decided to outsource the site redesign, and I’m currently looking for a designer. This has been my main focus last week, because I’d like to re-launch the site and want to mark the event with a new look. 🙂

I had several blog posts I wanted to write, but didn’t end up finishing. And this is where I learned quite a few lessons about getting my writing done:

1) Acknowledge the feeling that’s holding you back: The main reason why I would stop writing a post, or slow down at least, is a feeling that there’s something wrong with publishing the post. When I don’t resolve the feeling, I usually don’t end up publishing. The feeling can be that I haven’t done enough research, or I need to write another post to give the post I’m working on some background information to link to.

A common thought I get is: How will my readers use this article now, and will it benefit them in the long run?

I’m convinced that a lot of what we read – no matter how great it is – doesn’t end up producing results for us, because we haven’t created systems in our lives to be able to effectively act on the information we receive. If you don’t have a list of “writing guidelines” you refer to every time you write, there’s a possibility that you’ll forget the writing tips you read, even if they can take your writing to the next level. It’s impossible for me to complete an article if I feel that I’m not helping my readers integrate its message effectively into their lives.

This is a feeling I need to acknowledge and respond to be able to get back to writing. It can be by preparing a longer article on how we can process information more effectively, or to accept that I can still write my blog posts on a regular basis, while working on the longer articles in the background. But if I don’t acknowledge the feeling that’s holding me back, I won’t get any writing done.

2) Decide which article to publish next: Working on more than one article at the same time can blur the decision of which article to focus on and publish next. This leads to many, many draft articles, without any newly published material! So, deciding which article to publish next is extremely important to actually complete the articles I’m writing.

3) Stop editing yourself while writing: This is a great tip I learned from Ayn Rand’s fantastic book on writing: The Art of Nonfiction. If we edit ourselves while writing, we won’t be able to get our creative juices flowing, and will continue to stare at a blank page (or screen). I didn’t notice that I was actually editing myself until I realized that I’m not writing, and the screen is still blank! I wasn’t allowing my writing to flow because I was editing my thoughts before they could see the light of day.

4) You don’t have to complete an article in a single sitting: This is a crucial point to bear in mind. Dr Fiore in his wonderful book (The Now Habit) points out that a major reason for procrastination is our obsession to finish projects, rather than starting them. When you have only an hour to spare, you might avoid writing an article, because you know you’ll need at least 2 hours to complete it. But you can finish half the article in that hour and complete it in another hour. Obsessing over completing work means we overlook the opportunities to make small dents in a project in the short periods of time available to us throughout our days.

5) Become a prolific writer: I’m convinced, more than ever, that I need to make it my goal to become a prolific writer. This means that I should feel comfortable writing a lot, without editing myself or worrying about getting it perfect. I need to work on improving my typing speed and to write whenever and wherever I can. I have a lot to say, and by becoming a prolific writer, I’ll be able to write a lot more, without facing so many obstacles. Writing will become a natural habit, which can support me in getting my writing projects underway.

Online Shopping Site

I’ve completely neglected this project last week, which was bad of me. To say that I didn’t have time to work on it would be a big, fat lie. I had plenty of time. I just didn’t use it well.

I’ll be moving this project forward this week, so I’ll have a decent progress update by next week!

Even though I didn’t work on this project, I still learned an important lesson about getting it done. 🙂

1) Face your fears: I suspect the primary reason for why I didn’t work on this project is that it involves a software package I don’t have experience using. To get the project going, I need to get comfortable with the software, so the anxiety that can come with a new learning experience doesn’t prevent me from starting on the project.

Teaching/Training

I would like to teach a subject that is related to customer experience, user experience or web development. That way I’ll help move my other projects forward as well. I didn’t work on this project last week, but will need to write a cover letter to express my interest in these subjects, and to arrange to meet with course coordinators, so I can argue for the importance of these subjects, in case their not available within the teaching curriculum.

That’s all for now. You’ll hopefully be hearing from me before next week’s update! 😀

Categories
Professional

Weekly Update #1: The Short List

Last week, in my first ever update since quitting my job (let’s call that update #0, since it wasn’t exactly a weekly update), I reassured my dear readers (that’s you!) that I’m still alive, and shared with you some of the issues I’ve been struggling with since quitting my job (namely, deciding on what to do with my life now that I don’t have a job).

In this update, I’d like to present you with the list of projects I will be committing myself to for the time being.

But before I share the list with you, I’d like to say a word or two about productivity and focus:

Most productivity (and career) experts will tell you that a “short list” of more than one project can scatter your focus and lead you to work on a suboptimal level. If you truly want to achieve great things, then you must focus completely and wholeheartedly on a single project. Anyone transitioning into entrepreneurship knows how difficult it is to get a side business going with a day job to drain your energy and creativity.

In many ways, this piece of advice is sensible, and I can definitely see the advantages of focusing on a single project.

But I don’t think such an approach will work well for me. If my main problem since quitting my job was narrowing down my options, reducing my decision down to a single option is akin to motivational suicide.

Working on two projects at the same time can accelerate the progress you experience with a single project. How? Because alternating between projects can help you maintain your motivation and prevent you from experiencing boredom and frustration. The mini-accomplishments you experience in one project can encourage you to experience similar accomplishments in the other project. If you were stuck with a single project that isn’t going anywhere, you would soon hate your life and everything in it!

Many people who start a business while working a day job find that the extra work they put in to their embryonic business actually gives them more energy and motivation during their day job than not having a business to look forward to at all!

I believe working on several projects at the same time can be very rewarding, and I will be sharing with you some of my observations about this issue and ways I plan to succeed with this approach.

I should also make it clear that the level of balance I will be experiencing in the months ahead won’t be ideal. Starting a business (and not having a job) is an emergency situation, which calls for a personal state of emergency. This means that it’s sensible to go temporarily out of balance while trying to make necessary progress in my Professional life area.

For now, I will present you with my list of projects, but will leave further discussion about my decision for choosing these projects for next week:

Spa Business: My sister has been running a spa for over a year now. I haven’t been actively supporting her in this endeavor, but will now be more involved in running the business with her

Customer Experience Consultancy: One of the issues I feel extremely passionate about is improving the way businesses treat their customers. Little attention is given to how customers perceive companies based on their overall experience with these companies. I have many ideas about this issue, and plan on starting a consultancy business to help companies better serve their customers, and help customers enjoy life without having to experience the frustration that comes with poor service!

Personal Growth Map: This blog is a high priority for me. I love the field of personal growth and I love writing about it. I intend on writing more over here and producing products that bring clarity to this field, especially with regards to life balance and genuine growth

Online Shopping Site: I am working with a friend on creating a shopping site that allows people in Kuwait to compare prices between different stores and finding products that more accurately match their needs. Most e-commerce sites in Kuwait are limited to single stores, and do not offer the services we would like to introduce

Teaching/Training: One of the most common recommendations I get from people is that I should go into teaching. I don’t plan on teaching in a school, but I’ll be applying for teaching positions in universities and training institutes, where the working hours are flexible and few.

This is my current list of professional projects.

I’ll be telling you why I chose these projects and how I plan on moving them all forward in future blog posts!

Categories
Emotions

The Right To Be Upset

The people around us and the circumstances we face can make us feel upset, angry, frustrated, depressed, annoyed and any other possible negative emotion humans can experience.

And when we experience these emotions we tend to latch on to them.

Why?

Because we believe we’re entitled to experience them.

We have every reason to experience them.

We have the right to experience them.

If you ever thought you had the right to be upset or angry or depressed, then you know what I’m talking about.

But rather than holding on to your right to be upset, ask yourself the following question:

“Do I deserve to be upset?”

If you don’t (and you don’t), then you shouldn’t insist on being upset.

Sure, someone you know might have done something to hurt you, but do you need to continue hurting yourself? Do you deserve to subject yourself to such hurt?

Rights are intended to lift us up rather than pull us down. When they end up pulling us down, we can choose to abandon them. We have the right to a miserable life and the right to be ignorant and the right to be poor. But it doesn’t mean that we need to exercise these rights.

The same principle applies to our emotions. While we may have the right to be upset, we shouldn’t exercise that right when it damages our lives. We don’t deserve to be upset and to linger in that feeling.

I sometimes find myself latching on to feelings of anger and frustration, but then realize that I can’t afford to waste my emotional energy on such feelings, and to compromise the opportunity to be happy. I realize that the negative feelings I’m experiencing are within my control and I can let go of them as soon as I let go of the idea that I have the right to experience them.

Don’t insist on upholding your right to be upset. You don’t deserve it.