Categories
Selfishness

Why Selfishness is a Good Thing

One of the most common moral principles taken for granted to be true, without questioning its validity and consequences, is the principle that selfishness is evil. No matter how much evidence there is to the contrary, it is always our thoughts and our feelings that are brought into question, but never the principle itself. To question the principle is akin to blasphemy.

But just as it was once blasphemous to state that the earth is round, the virtue of selfishness is a fact we must come to accept at one point or another. In other words, those who are still insisting that selflessness is a virtue might as well believe that the earth is flat.

In this article I would like to clear up the confusion surrounding selfishness, and to highlight the fact that not only does the problem with selfishness have nothing to do with selfishness itself, but that selfishness is a necessary quality for personal growth and the foundation for human happiness.

If you think what I just said is nonsense, then I suggest you read on…

The Meaning of Selfishness

Merriam-Webster defines selfish as:

1- concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
2- arising from concern with one’s own welfare or advantage in disregard of others <a selfish act>

Dictionary.com‘s definitions are:

1- devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2- characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.

And TheFreeDictionary.com offers the following definitions:

1-  Concerned chiefly or only with oneself: “Selfish men were . . . trying to make capital for themselves out of the sacred cause of human rights” Maria Weston Chapman.
2- Arising from, characterized by, or showing selfishness: a selfish whim.

In mentioning all these dictionary definitions I don’t intend to clarify the meaning of the word, but to point out the ambiguity in the definitions. All the definitions seem to blend two ideas together:

1- One is selfish if he is concerned primarily with his own well-being
2- If he is selfish, the pursuit of his well-being is at the expense, or with disregard for, the well-being of others

But the two ideas aren’t inherently tied together. And this is where the confusion about selfishness originates. We have been fed the idea that if we pursue our own well-being, then we do so at other people’s expense and, therefore, we must be primarily concerned with other people’s well-being, if we wish to be moral.

The problem with selfishness isn’t the primary concern with our own well-being. That’s never a problem. To identify the root problem with selfishness, it’s important to distinguish between Bad Selfishness and Good Selfishness. As you are about to find out, Bad Selfishness has never and will never serve one’s own well-being, which goes to show that concern for one’s well-being isn’t the root cause of the problems commonly associated with selfishness.

Bad Selfishness

Imagine a person with the following characteristics and behaviors:

  • Not interested in what others have to say, or how they feel
  • Inconsiderate in what he says and speaks his mind, no matter how hurtful his words are
  • Is willing to make a sale at the expense of honesty, either by overlooking the faults in his products or exaggerating the benefits they offer
  • Is willing to take credit for work his colleagues or employees have done
  • Doesn’t care about his partner’s happiness, but only seeks what makes him happy
  • Doesn’t care about social problems or political causes

While all these characteristics are traditionally associated with selfishness, the question we need to ask is this:

Do these characteristics and behaviors advance this person’s well-being?

The short answer is: no. The longer answer is: it may do so in the short-term, but definitely not the long-term.

A person who doesn’t express interest in those around him will find it difficult to gain friends and build lasting relationships. People will avoid him if he is not considerate in how he behaves, and he will quickly lose people’s trust (and his sales) if he is dishonest.

Which leads us to ask a more important question:

How can these characteristics be associated with selfishness, when they do not advance the individual’s well-being?

If selfishness is primary concern for one’s own well-being, then these characteristics shouldn’t be categorized as selfish. It doesn’t matter how they affect other people, the individual himself is sabotaging his own well-being by behaving in such a way.

The problem doesn’t originate with pursuing one’s own well-being, since these characteristics clearly reveal that a “selfish” person isn’t achieving his well-being. The problem with Bad Selfishness is the disregard for the facts of reality and how well-being should be pursued.

Bad Selfishness looks for shortcuts to achieve happiness and success. It is a narrow view of life that blurs out some essential factors for happiness and long-term well-being, because such a person seeks instant gratification, without considering all the consequences of his behavior.

Bad Selfishness is the pursuit and gratification of a whim. It overlooks facts and principles of success. It is based on the outlooks of “I feel, therefore, I do” and “I want, therefore, I must have” without considering the roots of one’s feelings and the proper means of acquiring what one wants. Such a person experiences frustration, anger, resentment, jealousy, short-term gains and long-term losses because he is not respecting the laws of nature and human happiness.

Good Selfishness

Ignoring reality, both the external (i.e. the world in which we live and the people we come into contact with) and the internal (i.e. our nature as human beings and our individual personalities), never leads to well-being. A person who is truly selfish and who truly wishes to achieve his well-being will not act in ways that harm him, either in the short-term or the long-term. To be able to evaluate what is beneficial to us and what is harmful, we need to develop an understanding of reality.

Good Selfishness is based on the most fundamental principle of success and true happiness: Respect reality.

Good Selfishness never seeks shortcuts that have damaging consequences in the long-term. It looks at reality from the widest possible angle, to evaluate all consequences and determine the most appropriate outlook and behavior in any situation.

It is based on the outlook of: “I am, therefore, I think.”

I am a human being, therefore, I must think in order to find the best course of action to take, given my surroundings and my nature.

Good Selfishness doesn’t place the interests and well-being of others above one’s own, but recognizes that other people’s well-being contributes to one’s own. This is why Good Selfishness promotes respect, consideration and kindness.

The Golden Rule of Morality: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is a selfish principle. It is based on the fact that your behaviors promote and justify to others the way in which to treat you. If you are kind to others, then you encourage kindness in them. If you are mean to others, then you give others permission (by your own conduct) that they treat you with meanness. Therefore, if you wish to advance your well-being, you should treat others the way you want to be treated. Others may not immediately (or ever) follow your example, but you do not give them justification to treat you in a way you do not like to be treated.

Good Selfishness doesn’t associate one’s own well-being with guilt, nor does it demand that other people’s well-being be pursued whenever one’s own well-being is pursued. You do not have to become healthy in order to serve others. Being healthy, being happy, being successful are proper for an individual, and he doesn’t need other people’s permission to achieve them.

The Golden Rule does not state: “Sacrifice yourself for the sake of others.” If it did, then the continuation of the rule would be: “so that they may sacrifice themselves for your sake.” Selflessness carries its own contradiction. If there is a demand that you sacrifice yourself for the sake of others, then you expect others to sacrifice themselves for your sake. But isn’t that selfish of you to expect?

It is selfish, but Bad Selfish. Good Selfishness – in line with the Golden Rule – doesn’t expect others to sacrifice themselves and their happiness for your sake, nor does it place the demand on you to sacrifice yourself for other people’s sake. You may choose to contribute to other people’s happiness, in the same way you would appreciate other people’s contributions to your own happiness. But it doesn’t place a demand on others to sacrifice their own happiness for you. You have a right to be happy and others have a right to be happy. We can work together to achieve happiness, without compromises or sacrifices or condemning one’s own pursuit of his happiness.

To Give Credit…

During my university years I valued selflessness above all other virtues, and considered selfishness to be the most despicable vice known to man. But I was constantly questioning my beliefs and trying to resolve any inconsistencies in my world-view. One of the things that made me uncomfortable about selflessness – which I initially thought was a failure on my part to resolve – was the inherent hypocrisy in the principle. Why is happiness appropriate for others, but not to me? Why should I make others happy and tend to their needs while I neglect my own happiness and needs? Why should I expect others to shoulder the obligation of making me happy, if I wanted them to be happy?

While this remained an issue for me to address, I was introduced to the writings of Ayn Rand, who considered selfishness a virtue. My knee-jerk reaction to her ideas and her writings was to consider her the anti-Christ, and the embodiment of all that is evil. She promoted selfishness and capitalism, which was enough in my book to consider her the devil. I continued to think that selflessness was a virtue and I simply wasn’t able to resolve the contradiction in it. But as I read more of Ayn Rand’s writings – while trying to keep an open mind and seeking to understand her views for what they are and not how they relate to my existing views – I came to realize the misconceptions I held about selfishness and why she considered it a virtue.

I can’t possibly cover Ayn Rand’s writings and philosophy in this blog post, but I highly recommend her books. In particular, you might want to grab Philosophy: Who Needs It and The Virtue of Selfishness. If you’re not convinced by what I have said, then these two books will contribute more material to the discussion.

What’s your take on selfishness? And how do you see it relating to personal growth and human happiness? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Categories
Personal Growth Map

Understanding the Seven Life Areas

To make the most use of the Personal Growth Map, it’s important that you have a proper understanding of each life area and what subjects go under it. But given the fact that each life area has a huge scope, this post won’t get into the details of what’s exactly included in that area. It simply gives a brief definition and explanation you can use to help you categorize your interests and activities under these life areas.

Before we look at the life areas individually, bear in mind that there is some overlap between the life areas. In most cases, which life area a subject belongs to depends on the focus you approach the subject with. For example, thinking is an Intellectual matter. Looking at how to change your thinking to change your emotions is a Psychological matter.

Spiritual

As human beings, we don’t want to simply know the What, but seek to answer the Why. We’re not content with living. We want to know what the meaning of life is. We don’t want to acquire fragments of the puzzle. We want to know what the picture is.

Attempts to understand the world and our place in it, and to form a comprehensive view of existence are spiritual endeavors. Both philosophy and theology try to explain the fundamental nature of reality and they can help us form a spiritual (i.e. big picture) understanding of the world.

The focus of spirituality is beliefs.

Examples of things that fall under this life area: religious observances, reading scripture, beliefs (about the existence of God, the meaning of life, life after death, the law of attraction, etc), ethical values, world peace, humanism, volunteer work, life philosophy.

Intellectual

Your ability to learn, your memory, the way you reason and all cognitive processes (e.g. analyzing) belong to your Intellectual life area.

In this life area we seek to refine our ability to acquire information, develop our understanding and to enrich our minds with knowledge that can serve us in life.

The focus of the intellect is knowledge.

Examples of things that fall under this life area: accelerated learning, study skills, mind-mapping, speed-reading, memory, reasoning and any reading done to acquire information that’s not directly related to making money (which is Professional) and is not done for pleasure (which is Recreational).

Psychological

Our emotions are influenced by many factors. This life area looks at these factors and how we can develop the emotions that support us in life. If fear is holding us back, we need to know how to rid ourselves of this fear (or to use it in order to move forward, rather than backward).

The focus of psychology is emotions.

Examples of things that fall under this life area are: therapy, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), journaling, coping with guilt, fear, aging, past experiences, as well as fostering positive emotions, such as happiness, excitement, etc.

Social

The way we relate to other human beings – be they parents, siblings, spouse, children, friends, colleagues, strangers – defines our Social life. In order to foster healthy relationships, it’s important to understand what such relationships involve, and how to avoid conflicts with others.

The focus of our social life is relationships.

Examples of things that fall under this life area are: parenthood, making friends, starting conversations, public speaking, etc.

Professional

Your ability to make money is covered by your Professional life area. You might think that your job is about contributing value to others, but you can do that through volunteer work. Your professional success is determined by the reward you get for the value you provide. It’s very important that you recognize the end result you expect out of your professional endeavors. Otherwise, you won’t have food on the table or a way to pay your bills.

Handling your finances is also tied to this life area, because it determines how much money you end up having.

The focus of your professional life is money.

Examples of things that fall under this life area are: business skills, marketing, customer service, professional skills, business projects, productivity, organization, professional competence.

Recreational

Any activity you do that is intended for relaxation, refreshment and pleasure falls under this life area.

The focus of recreation is fun.

Examples of things that fall under this life area are: reading novels, watching movies, playing video games, going on holiday, stamp collecting, painting, getting a massage, sports.

Physical

Anything related to your body and its well-being falls under this life area.

The focus of your physical life is health.

Examples of things that fall under this life area are: dieting, nutrition, exercise, hygiene, body-building, stamina, strength training.

The importance of each life area, and how it relates to other life areas will be covered in future posts. Use the explanations above when trying to categorize your activities, reading list, projects, etc. to ensure that you are paying attention to every life area, without neglecting any area of your life.

Categories
Personal Growth Map

Introducing the Personal Growth Map

I’ve been putting off introducing the Personal Growth Map for some time now, mainly because I haven’t figured out a comprehensive way of presenting both the theory and the practice in a way that allows you to apply it fully into your life.

But from personal experience, a handful of the principles behind the Personal Growth Map can lead to very positive changes in your life. This post will not cover everything there is to cover about the Personal Growth Map. It will simply clarify what the Personal Growth Map is about and what to expect out of it.

Before I introduce the Personal Growth Map, it’s important to first be clear on what the purpose of the Personal Growth Map is and what problems it’s intended to address.

The Purpose

It’s very easy to experience disappointment in a personal growth approach (or anything for that matter) when it doesn’t live up to our expectations. However, it is possible that we apply a solution to a problem it’s not designed to address. If we’re thirsty, eating the most delicious food will only add to the problem. No amount of food can do what a glass of water can do. If we’re hungry, no amount of water in the world can compensate for a loaf of bread.

Therefore, it’s important that the purpose of the Personal Growth Map is clear in your mind before you develop expectations that it’s not designed to satisfy.

The Personal Growth Map has two ultimate aims:

1) To make life balance achievable

2) To make personal growth much easier and less overwhelming

With these two aims in mind, we can now look at the Personal Growth Map and see how it can help you experience life balance and greater personal growth!

The Personal Growth Map

Many personal growth enthusiasts struggle to achieve life balance. In fact, the growing interest surrounding productivity literature stems from the need to get work done in order to make room for other areas of our lives, such as our families and our hobbies. And while people are concerned about achieving life balance, most of them struggle to identify what they’re trying to balance! The common opinion is that they are trying to balance between work and family time.

The Personal Growth Map recognizes SEVEN life areas that we need to balance! Sounds complicated? It’s actually quite simple. And that’s the beauty of the Personal Growth Map: It’s simple, not simplistic.

It doesn’t try to reduce the complexity of life to the point where we gloss over the important details. It identifies our needs as human beings more accurately, so that we can better satisfy those needs.

The seven life areas are:

(1) Spiritual

(2) Intellectual

(3) Psychological

(4) Social

(5) Professional

(6) Recreational

(7) Physical

When we speak of life balance, it’s important to recognize our needs in these seven life areas, and to give each life area some care and attention. You can now see that trying to balance work and family life only covers two out of the seven life areas. That’s not real balance, is it? In fact, our social needs extend beyond family life, so we’re not even fully acknowledging that need!

And this is why life balance is such a pain: when we do not acknowledge and satisfy all our needs, we cannot perform at our best.

Therefore, it’s essential that we consider all the seven life areas, without neglecting any one of them.

And if you think that you cannot achieve life balance today, think again! The truth is, you cannot live without life balance!

How is that?

Suppose you are concentrating on advancing your career at the moment. However, most of the time you feel sluggish and unable to focus on your work. You might conclude that you need to familiarize yourself with productivity techniques and a new work approach. But that usually isn’t the case. The problem could very well stem from health issues. In other words, the limitations you are experiencing at work are caused by you neglecting your health! By eating the right foods and doing moderate exercise you will be able to advance your professional life!

Not only can life areas set limitations on each other, but they can also offer opportunities. How many people advanced their professional lives because of social relations they fostered? If you don’t make time for a social life, you could be shunning many, many opportunities to catapulting your career to a new level! How many people have experienced a complete transformation in their entire lives simply by changing some of their spiritual beliefs?

Life is meant to be lived in balance. Every life area is important, and if we neglect any one of them, we will be experiencing a deficiency that can impact our entire lives. This is why life balance should never be postponed or neglected.

If you’re now thinking: “I don’t have time for two life areas, let alone seven!” then you’re in for a treat 😀

Life balance isn’t about balancing time: In fact, time is a minor factor in the equation. What’s important is doing something – anything – to advance each life area, even if it doesn’t take much time to do! If you work eight-hour days, it doesn’t mean you have to exercise for eight hours a day! Small adjustments to your diet and routine can help you advance your health and allow you to experience the benefits you need to move your life forward. The simplest example I can think of is smiling more often. This will make it easier to develop better social relations, because it makes you more pleasant and approachable.

Life areas can be combined through a single activity: Life areas aren’t mutually exclusive. Just because you are spending time with your family doesn’t mean that all other life areas are on stand by. Some activities can offer benefits that span several life areas and, therefore, can help you satisfy your needs in those areas, without having to schedule different activities. For example, instead of going to the gym to exercise, you can play football with your friends. That activity, alone, can help you advance your social, recreational and physical life areas! The possible combinations are endless! And you can use them to achieve life balance without having to worry about not having enough time!

And how will the Personal Growth Map make personal growth less overwhelming?

The Personal Growth Map acts as a super-structure to personal growth. I’m sure you noticed that there are 101 subjects (if not more!) that are categorized under personal growth. Trying to read up on all of them is tedious and overwhelming. But by grouping them under the seven life areas on the Personal Growth Map, we can focus on only one subject from each life area in order to advance in that life area. Using the simple layout of the Personal Growth Map will help to better manage our personal growth and avoid taking on more than we can handle (which usually compromises our life balance as well).

What Now?

There’s obviously a lot more to mention about the Personal Growth Map, life balance and personal growth. But this doesn’t mean that you can’t start using the Personal Growth Map today!

Follow these simple steps to begin experiencing more balance and control in your life!

1) Come up with ways you can advance each life area: For each life area (and starting with Spiritual), list all the possible ways you know of on how to advance that life area. Look around your house for things you can use, find websites that can provide you with information in that area, consider the people you can get in touch with and any activity that can help move that life area forward.

2) Come up with activities you enjoy that combine life areas: Think of ways you can combine life areas with a single activity. You can organize an informal book club (combines intellectual – social – recreational), arrange football matches (social – recreational – physical), play Frisbee with your family in the park (social – recreational – physical) instead of watching TV together (social – recreational). The possibilities are endless, so get creative!

3) Select a list of activities you can start doing today that cover all life areas: The options available are many, and you can’t possibly fit them all in your schedule. So select the options you would like to go for starting today. Make sure that you cover all the life areas!

I will be providing you with many more details, resources and suggestions on how to use the Personal Growth Map to move your life forward! If you’re not already subscribed to the mailing list, I suggest you subscribe now either by RSS or Email!

Tell everyone you know about the Personal Growth Map, so they can start experiencing more balance and greater growth in their lives!

Categories
Productivity

Work and Meta-Work

One of the most important distinctions we need to make in order to lead productive lives is between work and meta-work. Sadly, productivity enthusiasts fall into the trap of mixing the two, thinking that they are being productive and getting things done, when all they’re doing is getting meta-work done, which isn’t real work.

I know, because I’ve fallen into this trap so many times that it’s now my second home!

What’s Meta-Work?

Meta-work is any work you do that’s not an end unto itself, but a means to get the real work done. The clearest example is a to-do list. You don’t write a to-do list for the sake of writing a to-do list. You write a to-do list so you can get the items on the list done. If you spend all your time preparing your to-do list, re-shuffling the items on the list, re-writing the list so it can look prettier, looking for softwares that can be used to write to-do lists, and anything along those lines, then you aren’t really getting work done. You are simply wasting your time with meta-work.

Don’t get me wrong. Meta-work isn’t a waste of time. It’s essential for managing the work you need to get done. But it only exists for the sake of the real work. Being productive isn’t about having a sophisticated system of meta-work. It’s about getting the real work done. You only need meta-work to the extent that it makes you better manage your work.

And since we manage different kinds of activities, we need different meta-work tools to better manage our work. For example, a to-do list is different than a calendar, because a calendar records time/date-bound events, whereas a to-do list is time-independent. A to-do list can be split by location (e.g. at home, at work, etc) to better suit the reality in which the activities will be carried out. Having a single to-do list with everything we need to get done might be confusing, especially when we can’t do most of the things where we are right now.

Meta-work that enables us to develop a supporting system for our work is essential for enhanced productivity, but it shouldn’t replace the actual work we need to get done.

4 Tips for Effective Meta-Work

Follow these simple tips in order to establish healthy meta-work habits to boost your productivity!

1- The Meta-work to Work ratio: For the time you assign to work, you need to reduce the amount of meta-work that you do as much as possible, and increase the amount of time you spend working as much as possible. Your aim is to focus on getting productive work done. Leverage your meta-work in order to achieve that. That’s the whole point of meta-work!

2- Allocate specific time for meta-work: When you mingle meta-work with actual work, it can be difficult to tell how much time you are spending on meta-work, and how much work you are really getting done. Besides, you don’t want to overlook meta-work. Otherwise you might lack a supporting structure for the work you do. Therefore, allocate some time where you focus solely on meta-work. You shouldn’t feel guilty about this time, because it will be used to enhance your productivity when you get to doing your work. But you don’t want to leave this time open-ended (it might get in the way of your work).

Make sure you select the most appropriate time, according to your work schedule. This could be in the early morning, the night before, or several mini-sessions throughout the day. Choose whatever works for you.

3- Allocate time for learning about meta-work: Another trap productivity enthusiasts fall into is learning about the many, many different forms of meta-work. They search for tips, tricks and tools that can enhance their productivity, but overlook the work they need to get done, or how they will use what they learn in their own meta-work. There is a difference between having your own to-do list, and reading up on how a to-do list is to be written. Learning more about meta-work is important. It can expose you to new ideas and point out bottlenecks in your own productivity approach. But this should neither replace your meta-work or your work. Therefore, allocate specific times for learning, and adjust your meta-work in order to incorporate what you learn.

4- Have specific benefits in mind: Why do you have a to-do list? Why do you use a calendar? Why do you want to organize your desk? You need to know the specific benefits and use you have for everything in your meta-work system, so you can get rid of the actions that have no purpose, and so you can know whether you are achieving your goal or not. For example, whenever I used to clear up my desk, I usually leave it completely empty, and store away all papers in my drawers. The desk becomes very tidy, but I lose my creativity. I have nothing on the desk to trigger my thoughts and to remind me of what I need to get done. The problem was that I didn’t specify the actual purpose I had in having my desk tidy. I wanted to keep my desk tidy so that I can know where everything is and to be able to focus on a single task, without getting distracted.

Having this purpose in mind – and the benefits I was seeking – would have changed my approach to “tidiness.” Instead of hiding everything out of sight, I would organize my papers for easier referencing, and leave a single project on the desk (for me to work on), and a to-do list of things I need to get done (to remind me of the projects I need to work on once I am done with the project I am currently working on).

By maintaining the distinction between work and meta-work, and having a sensible strategy for the use of meta-work, you will be able to enhance your productivity, without getting distracted!

Categories
Psychological

Inflated and Deflated Egos

Whenever there is conflict or tension between individuals, be it in a professional environment or a social one, “inflated egos” are usually to blame for the conflict. Some individuals wanted too much attention for themselves, and they were willing to compromise social cohesion in order to make themselves stand out. Many meetings are a complete waste of time (and energy) because attendees aren’t concerned with the well-being of the company they work in, but simply wish to defend the ideas they came with and to undermine the contributions of others, so they can look better.

This – according to popular myth – is caused by “inflated egos.” In reality, the opposite is true. It’s not inflated egos that are to blame, but deflated ones.

Inflated egos are required for healthy living and fruitful social interaction. Problems only arise when egos are deflated, and the poor ego tries desperately to inflate itself through any means possible.

To make sense of what I’m saying, it’s important to re-visit what “ego” means, and we will then go on to explain the characteristics of an inflated ego and a deflated one.

What’s “Ego” in the first place?

Ego means self. It is how you define and identify with yourself as an individual. It is the answer to the question: Who am I?

How you see yourself is your ego. Just as our opinions can be conditioned by the opinions of others, our view of ourselves can also be based on other people’s opinions about us. We may attach labels on ourselves that we have borrowed from others, without questioning whether they are true or not. In fact, our ego (impression of ourselves) may not be an accurate one, but it is the basis of how we see ourselves and, therefore, how we treat ourselves and the value we see in ourselves.

Inflated Egos

An inflated ego takes on a realistic, healthy shape of itself. It values itself based on real qualities and real accomplishments. It, therefore, doesn’t resort to self-deception in order to increase its self-worth. As an inflated ego, it can already recognize its self-worth.

It doesn’t need the praise of others to inflate it or keep it inflated. A healthy ego is driven by its own impression of itself. But since it does not seek to deceive itself, it is open to the criticism of others. Criticism isn’t seen as a threat, but as an opportunity to re-evaluate itself, based on the observations others have made, which the individual may have overlooked about himself. If the criticism is valid, it does not deflate the ego. It merely points out an area that requires more attention.

Inflated egos aren’t threatened by the accomplishments of others. They realize that others possess strengths they may not possess, but it does not undermine their own strengths and worth. An inflated ego is willing to learn from others, so it can grow its strengths through their strengths.

Deflated Egos

A deflated ego doesn’t value itself, because it doesn’t have a healthy vibrant shape that can summon confidence and self-worth. It can remain deflated, and one can step on his own deflated ego if he doesn’t see much hope in inflating it. He can undermine his worth through negative self-talk, and may even carry out actions that undermine his worth in the eyes of others and, thereby, surround himself with more opinions that will trample his crippled ego.

There are two dangers with deflated egos: when the individual doesn’t seek to revive his damaged ego, or when he tries to inflate it through any means possible, especially while relying on self-deception and the opinions of others. The latter danger is when all hell breaks loose.

Those who seek and feed on people’s praise do not have inflated egos. They are desperately seeking to inflate their broken, deflated egos. They, therefore, attempt to snatch as much attention as possible in any gathering. They try to prove to others that they know a lot, even when the occasion doesn’t call for it. They don’t give others the opportunity to shine, because it will eclipse their worth in the eyes of the people. In fact, they would go so far as to undermine others so that they can seem grander by comparison. In other words, they try to puncture other egos so they can become deflated as well.

Deflated egos lead to arrogance and the exaggeration of one’s worth and accomplishments. An inflated ego isn’t concerned about other people’s praise. It doesn’t need to resort to exaggeration and self-deception. But a deflated ego cannot depend on real accomplishments to elevate its self-worth, especially when it seeks to impress others. Arrogance stems from desperation to inflate one’s ego, which an inflated ego isn’t in need of.

This is why you can find people willing to take credit for the work of others. It’s not that they believe they are worthy of the credit, but because they want to feel important and of value through any means possible.

It’s important not to mix up inflated and deflated egos (as is the case in the world today), because one’s praise of himself in public doesn’t stem from a strength, but a weakness and the desire to feel better about oneself. That’s not the characteristic of an ego that feels confident in itself, but one that seeks reassurance about its own self-worth. Of course, it is possible for an ego to be over-inflated (i.e. it sees in itself good qualities that it does not possess), but the drive for recognition and praise only stems from a deflated ego seeking to inflate itself.

The Importance of Nurturing a Healthy Ego

A healthy ego enables you to feel comfortable about yourself for who you are, while acknowledging both your strengths and your weaknesses. It is also more independent of the opinions of others and, therefore, cannot be the victim of vicious deflated egos that seek to undermine it in order to feel better about themselves. You can have amazing qualities, but if you cannot acknowledge their worth through your own eyes and with your own judgment, you may not allow them to fully shine and reveal themselves.

How we perceive ourselves will ultimately determine the quality of life we have, and it is, therefore, crucial that we strengthen our own self-worth not by relying on self-deception or other people’s praise, but through genuine growth and personal responsibility for our own lives.